Bromfords of the Kollobita´´rtainnen - Part 15

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"Hand Grenade Of Bromford"

ARTHUR:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Bromford! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

MONKS: (chanting)
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem

ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?

LANCELOT:
I know not, my liege

ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one

SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy."
And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother

SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Bromford towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Amen

KNIGHTS:
Amen

ARTHUR:
Right!
One!... Two!... Five!

GALAHAD:
Three, sir!

ARTHUR:
Three!
(Angels sing)
(BOOM)

»The Tijuana Moon is the Cheshire Cat grinning in the other direction today«, Mr. Tumbleweed is looking at the timeless sky that pretends to be a morning sky again. »I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in the water. «

»Where are dragons? « the llama asks Sideburns. »Is that artificial's story becoming true after all? Are you going to betray us und feed us to a dragon? «

»There might be dragons and never tickle a dragon in his sleep«, the faun says all absent again.

»No, no, no«, Claude Sideburns tries to appease. »I told you the whole betraying thing was only a false tall tale by the artificial intelligence in Gilbert's computer browser. This here I have read in one of my scientific magazines. Medieval mapmakers supposedly inscribed the phrase 'Here Be Dragons' on maps showing unknown regions of the world. Unfortunately, however, it appears that, apart from an inscription on a single, 16th-century globe, this claim is unfounded. The inscription 'Here Be Dragons' was virtually never used and there were no dragons. «

»Are you sure? « the captain asks with a dry mouth. »Our customer should have warned us, tell us more detailed what awaited us. «

Hammock falls silent, stands up from the fastened table and steps to the wooden railing of the WaveEater grabbing it with both hands. His eyes follow the far horizon as if he is looking for something.

Again Rilliam B. Wiker continues the story, »The man in the alley…«

Mr. Tummy interrupts shyly, »He was a man, Rill, wasn't he? «

»Only Neptune knows. The stranger told the captain and me to sail east. To Europe or Africa, we asked. But he didn't answer to that. After three days, he said, or in the first night of the next full-moon, whatever came first, we should take the Amber Heart of the Sea out of its' leather bag and let it guide us to the Kollobita´´rtainnen Sea and the island of Greenlion. We hired a crew and the next day the WaveEater set sails. «

»Unfortunatley«, Tummy, the ship cook, adds.

Today is Friday, the 15th of December 2023.