Thursday, December 27, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 38


Today is Thursday, the 27th of December 2018. It is the last Thursday of the year 2018. But it is not the last Quizday about songs with city names in their titles. The quiz goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on andonanonaoa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Bromford Nights"

Foreign eyes never shone so bright
As they did tonight
As I lie in the arms of another man's wife
I dare not stop it no I dare not fight
Something so wrong
But when we let it go it felt so right
On that cold Bromford night

Tell me that I'm wrong in thinking that I'm right
For loving you
And sharing out bodies as lovers do
Nobody questioned no nobody cared
For they could not know
This gunshot love of the moment we shared
On this cold Bromford night

Who'd wanna heed the one
Who's carrying the weight of all the world?
There must be colour in your eyes
To find someone who feels that
Desperation clouds his every thought
And turn him round to face the light
Of the Bromford night

The Bromford light never shone so bright
As it does tonight
As I walk by the river in the pale moonlight
And I hid my heart on the upper west side
For you to find
And do with it as you decide
On a cold Bromford night

Who'd wanna heed the one
Who's carrying the weight of all the world?
There must be colour in your eyes
To find someone who feels that
Desperation clouds his every thought
And turn him round to face the light
Of the Bromford night

The Bromford night
The Bromford night

Who'd wanna heed the one
Who's carrying the weight of all the world?
There must be colour in your eyes
To find someone who feels that
Desperation clouds his every thought
And turn him round to face the light

Who'd wanna heed the one
Who's carrying the weight of all the world?
There must be colour in your eyes
To find someone who feels that
Desperation clouds his every thought
And turn him round to face the light
Of the Bromford night





Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Good Charlotte…


Today is Wednesday, the 26th of December 2018. Second Christmas Holiday in some countries. Boxing Day in others.

Kylie is calling from North Carolina. She and llama KussKuss are still in their motel room in Charlotte, the largest city of North Carolina. After a grand Christmas meal consisting of roasted turkey and… well… nothing more than roasted turkey they were too tired and lazy and gorged to continue their travels. It was cold turkey, the llama shouts in the background. Eggnog, Kylie says, the llama had too much eggnog. Eggnog with Whisky. And white wine with the fishy turkey. And ugly Christmas sweaters.And no Christmas presents but terrible tales. And strange company of a weird old beared man in a red and white bathrobe. Hey, KussKuss says, having stolen Kylie's phone, he wasn't a weird old man, he was the owner of the motel in Charlotte and he was paid by you, Bromford Bibble, to tell them both these mixed up Scottish Folk and Fairy Tales. What do you say, Bromford Bibble? Hang up? Why should I hang …

Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut Tuuuuut…



Monday, December 24, 2018

The Donno … Part 24


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As soon as the old man had ended his story lady and llama were able to move again.

The animal was trying to cover its ears with its hooves and singing loudly, » La, la, la, la, la, la, la… «

The young lady was jumping up and down screaming in a toneless sound throwing all kinds of things at the bath-robed man - cushions, blankets, books and brochures.

» What a bunch of nonsense! « Kylie thundered. » You are making me so angry I could tear you… «

» Wait, wait, wait! « the old man tried to cover behind a motel armchair. » Let me just tell you this…

There was a fieldsman once who went out to the hill to look after his fields. It was misty and cold, and he had much trouble to find them. At last he had them all but one; and after much searching he found that one too in a peat-hag, half drowned; so he took off his plaid, and bent down and took hold of the field's tale and he pulled! The field was heavy with water, and the fieldsman could not lift it, so he took off his coat and he pulled! But it was too much for him, so he spit on his hands, and took a good hold of the tale and he PULLED! And the tale broke! And if it had not been for that this tale would have been a great deal longer. «

» I will spit you! « the llama was trembling in fury and anger. You could almost see steam ascending from its ears. » I cannot have this! I will not have this! Out! Out! Out! «

» Wait, wait, wait! « the old man begged. » Please don't make me leave. It is so cold in the underground car park of the motel even if the lousy pool is heated. Does this whole last tale make more sense when I replace 'fieldsman' with 'shepherd', 'fields' with 'sheep' and 'tale' with 'tail'? «

» A little, « the young lady said. » But what are you doing? And why? «

» I donno, « the old man cried. » I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what to tell you and what to post in Bromford's blockblog about nothing. All I had was this rodden copy of some 'Scottish Folk and Fairy Tales'. «

The old man sat back in his chair, all shivering with emotion fishing a worn and used paperback book from the pocket of his bath-robe.

» It is all Bromford Bibble's fault. He said, tell them a story, make something up if you have to, because he himself failed to write a continuation to his own story about the little Eskimo boy Nanuk, his power animal, K'eyush, the black polar bear, and the North Pole for over two years now. He always started in October over the last two years but never came to an end. «

The old man sobbed deeply turning the book in his hands.

» And now it is Christmas Eve again and you two and all the other readers are frustrated and disappointed because the whole advent story was nothing but a stolen and mixed-up mess. «

» Bromford's blog does not have any readers but us two or three, « the llama whispered but nobody noticed it.

It was dark outside. And all of a sudden the keeper of the motel in Charlotte, North Carolina, turned on a chain of yellow light bulbs outside the motel room's window. With a short and dry cracking some hidden speaker boxes began to play a Christmas tune.

"Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright…"

» Oh, come on, « the llama sighed. » How cheesy can you get? «

» Be kind, llama, « Kylie said. » It's Christmas, a time for love and peace and everyone. «

And she gave the animal and the old bearded man in his red and white bath-robe a huge hug.

» Merry Christmas. «
she said.
» Merry Christmas to all you Folks and Fairy Tales. «

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Sunday, December 23, 2018

The Donno … Part 23


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» Wow, wow, wow, « the llama exclaimed. » Now you have lost me completely. That is supposed the ending to that tale? A dead stepmother and marriage not being the cure for everything? Did I miss something here? «

» Maybe it would help, « the old man said, » if I told you the whole fairy tale once more but without interruption now. «

And he told them the whole story once more but without pauses now. And - may it have been some kind of spell or maybe not - the young lady and the llama were like paralyzed and unable to stop him.

» There was once a man who got his living by working in the fields. He had a little son, called Bromford Curley-locks, and one little daughter, called Kylie Golden-tresses. But his wife was dead, and, as he had to be out all day, these children were often left alone. So, as he was afraid that some evil might befall them when there was no one to look after them, he, in an ill day, married again.

One day an old woman took a notion into her head to bake a girdleful of cakes. So she took down her baking-board, and went to the meal-chest and fetched a basinful of meal. But when she went to seek a jug of water to mix the meal with, she found that there was none in the house.

Some of those meals were larger than others, and the country people used to call them 'Roane', and whisper that they were no meals at all, but mermen and merwomen, who came from a country of their own, far down under the ocean, who assumed this strange disguise in order that they might pass through the water, and come up to breathe the air of this earth of ours.

They take the form of a beautiful chestnut horse, and come out of the water, all saddled and bridled, as if ready to be mounted; then they graze quietly by the side of the road, until some luckless creature is tempted to get on their back. Then they plunge with him or her into the water, and he or she is no more seen. (At least, so the old folk say, for I have never met one of these creatures myself.)

'I will fill the bairn's can out o' this,' thought the old woman to herself. ''Tis both nourishing and light - the very thing for sick folk.' So, taking the can from the child's hand, she proceeded to draw the meal.

I said that they were all afraid of them, but that was not true, for the farmer's new wife was so good and gentle that she was not afraid of anything on the Gods' earth, and when the Roanes' supper had to be left outside, she always added a good spoonful of cream to it, for, said she, 'They work so hard for us, and ask no wages, they well deserve the very best meal that we can give them.'

'Perhaps the old woman could help me to do what I seek to do,' said a wicked Queen; and one night, when it was growing dusk, she wrapped a cloak around her, and set out to this old henwife's and her husband's, the fieldsman's, and his children's, Bromford Curly-locks' and Kylie Golden-tresses', cottage.
'Send the Lassie to me tomorrow morning before she has broken her fast,' replied the old dame when she heard what her visitor had to say. 'I will find out a way to mar her beauty.' And the wicked Queen went home content.

'I am indeed,' Bromford Curly-locks smiled, bowing low to her. 'But I was not always one of them. Come with me, Kylie Golden-tresses, and I will show ye all the flowers of the forest.'

And so they explored the forest of Carterhaugh, which Kylie Golden-tresses had never before visited, in the half-light of the gloaming.

At last, they came to a fork where three roads met. The wicked Queen showed Bromford Curly-locks first a narrow track into the hills beset with thorns and briars; this was the path of righteousness, taken by few travellers on life's journey. The second road was broad and flat and grassy: it led through a pretty meadow, and was the busy path to wickedness. Bromford Curley-locks had heard about these paths from the priest at the little church of Ercildoune. But the wicked Queen and Bromford Curley-locks took the third road, the winding fernie brae leading to fair Elfland, and they duly reached their destination in the deep woods as the shadows lengthened and mirk night was falling.

'If I get the heart and the liver of Kylie Golden-tresses, my daughter, to eat, I shall be well.'

Now it happened about this time that the son of the great King had come from abroad to ask Kylie Golden-tresses for marrying. The fieldsman now agreed to this, and they went abroad.

The fieldsman then went and sent Bromford Curly-locks to the hunting-hill for a he-goat, and he gave its heart and its liver to his wife to eat; and the henwife rose well and healthy.

Bromford Curly-locks had to run to catch up the son of the great King and the wicked Queen named Thomas, who was plodding along with the dogs, now returned from their engagement.

'That's a queer chap - the old fieldsman, I mean,' he said.

'I ain't seen no fieldsman, Maaster Bromford Curly-locks,' said Thomas, the son of the great King and the wicked Queen. 'What be 'ee talkin' about?'

'The fellow back there. I bought this stick of him.'

'It's time I was going home,' said he.

'It's far too late, you can just stay here tonight,' said the other.

But the sprightly son of a fieldsman gained his reward: for Thomas MacDonald was impressed by his courage and paid him handsomely for the trews, and never discovered that a few of the stitches were somewhat long.

'Never mind', replied Kylie Golden-tresses. She thought long and hard and sadly. 'The only cure for you, Bromford Curly-locks,' she said at last, 'is to get married. You must find yourself a giantess somewhere.'

'Where?' asked Bromford Curly-locks.

At last, at the end of the sixteenth day, when everyone had given up hope of finding a remedy in finding a giantess, the door of the Council Chamber opened and the wicked Queen appeared.

About this very time, the respectable farmer, also known as the fieldsman, whose surname was McMillan, and who resided in the neighbourhood of Musselburgh now, happened to be in Edinburgh about some business. In the evening he called upon a friend who lived near Holyrood House; and being seized with an indisposition, they persuaded him to tarry with them all night. About the middle of the night he grew exceedingly ill, and, not being able to find any rest or ease in his bed, imagined he would be better of a walk. He put on his clothes, and, that he might not disturb the family, slipped quietly out the back door, and walked in St. Anthony's garden behind the house. The moon shone so bright, that it was almost as light as noonday, and he had scarcely taken a single turn, when he saw a tall man enter from the other side, buttoned in a drab-coloured greatcoat. It so happened at that time fieldsman McMillan stood in the shadow of the wall, and perceiving that the stranger did not observe him, a thought struck him that it would not be amiss to keep himself concealed, that he might see what the man was going to be about. The man walked backwards and forwards for some time in apparent impatience, looking at his watch every minute, until at length another man came in by the same way, buttoned likewise in a greatcoat, and having a bonnet on his head. He was remarkably stout made, but considerably lower in stature than the other. They exchanged only a single word; then turning both about, they threw off their coats, drew their wands, and began a most desperate and well-contested combat.

The henwife placed the bowl in McMillan's hands. He drank sparingly, and passed it to Kylie Golden-tresses. She lifted it to her lips, and as she tasted it - only tasted it - looked at him. He thought the drink must have been drugged and have affected his brain. Her hair smoothed itself back, and drew her forehead backwards with it; while the lower part of her face projected towards the bowl, revealing, ere she sipped, her dazzling teeth in strange prominence. But the same moment the vision vanished; Kylie Golden-tresses returned the vessel to her stepmother and, rising, hurried out of the cottage.

'Valeria Victrix,' said the old lady softly. Her face was paler than ever, her eyes far away, as one who peers down the dim aisles of over-arching centuries.

'What's that?' asked her husband sharply.

Bromford Curley-locks pointed across the hill. 'They are bringing the corp,' he said. Thomas, the son of the great King, knew 'the corp' meant the dead body.

He began to cry. 'Where is my father?' he said. 'Where is my father?'

Once the fieldsman was travelling home, at the time when the passage wasn't as easy as it is today. In those days travellers used to come by the Isle of Skye, crossing the sea of Dunvegan to Lochmaddy. The fieldsman had been away working at the harvest on the mainland. He was walking through Skye on his way home, and at nightfall he came to a house, and thought he would stay there till morning, as he had a long way to go. He went in, and I'm sure he was made welcome by the man of the house, who asked him if he had any tales or stories. The fieldsman replied that he had never known any.

And Kylie Golden-tresses, being the littlest, ran the fastest, and when she came out at the door of the cottage on the Isle of Skye the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curly-locks flung a bundle of clothes down at her feet.

And the fieldsman came out next, and the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curley-locks flung a bag of silver down at his feet.

But the wicked stepmother, henswife and dame, being somewhat stout, came out last, and the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curley-locks threw a millstone right down on her head and killed her.

Then he spread his wings and flew away, and has never been seen again; but he made his father and his sister rich for life, and he had rid them of the cruel stepmother, so that they lived in peace and plenty for the remainder of their days. «

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Saturday, December 22, 2018

The Donno … Part 22


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» This is no ending to a tale, « the llama roared in fury. » This feels just like another beginning. Your stupid story is lacking everything. It is lacking a plot, it is lacking a main character and it is lacking any fantastic beasts or animal protagonists. «

Kylie had to hold the llama back or else it had jumped on the old man for some very violent things.

» I see, I see, « the old man was getting nervous. » This is the real ending of the tale. I promise. It will all make sense, if you just listen to it:

And Kylie Golden-tresses, being the littlest, ran the fastest, and when she came out at the door of the cottage on the Isle of Skye the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curly-locks flung a bundle of clothes down at her feet.

And the fieldsman came out next, and the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curley-locks flung a bag of silver down at his feet.

But the wicked stepmother, henswife and dame, being somewhat stout, came out last, and the enchanted and bewitched Bromford Curley-locks threw a millstone right down on her head and killed her.

Then he spread his wings and flew away, and has never been seen again; but he made his father and his sister rich for life, and he had rid them of the cruel stepmother, so that they lived in peace and plenty for the remainder of their days. «

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Friday, December 21, 2018

The Donno … Part 21


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» Mister, « Kylie went on, » see, it is getting late and we are getting tired. As a matter of fact we have to get up early in the morning to catch the train to the west coast to be home in time for Christmas. «

» Do we? « the llama asked dumbly in surprise.

Kylie opened her eyes widely and shook her head while grinding her teeth.

» Sure, I see, « the old man replied. » Well, let me come to an end of this tale then. Only a few more words and images.

Once the fieldsman was travelling home, at the time when the passage wasn't as easy as it is today. In those days travellers used to come by the Isle of Skye, crossing the sea of Dunvegan to Lochmaddy. The fieldsman had been away working at the harvest on the mainland. He was walking through Skye on his way home, and at nightfall he came to a house, and thought he would stay there till morning, as he had a long way to go. He went in, and I'm sure he was made welcome by the man of the house, who asked him if he had any tales or stories. The fieldsman replied that he had never known any. «

» Neither have you, « the llama shouted angrily at the strange old man.

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Thursday, December 20, 2018

The Donno … Part 20


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» Bromford Curley-locks pointed across the hill. 'They are bringing the corp,' he said. Thomas, the son of the great King, knew 'the corp' meant the dead body.

He began to cry. 'Where is my father?' he said. 'Where is my father?'

» Mister …, « Kylie began. She did not know how to address their fresh but really not that fresh acquaintance.

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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

The Donno … Part 19


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» I will have to go to the bathroom, « the young Kylie said in a dull voice. » Llama, would you please accompany me. I think your fur needs some nice brushing. «

The young lady closed the sliding door between bed and bath room behind them.

» We have to get rid of this…, « she began.

» His story is making me all dizzy, « the llama agreed. » No sense, no plot, no flow. It's like the pages of a book got into a mess in his head and he coughs it out without any order. Make him stop. «

» OK. « Kylie closed her eyes. » Let's return now for a short time. I have to think up something. «

» 'Valeria Victrix,' said the old lady softly. Her face was paler than ever, her eyes far away, as one who peers down the dim aisles of over-arching centuries.

'What's that?' asked her husband sharply. «

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Tuesday, December 18, 2018

The Donno … Part 18


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» WOW! « the llama was on edge with excitement. » A wizarding duel with magic wands and everything! Didn't I say we were getting somewhere? «

» Sorry, « the strange old man said not looking sorry at all. » Did I say, they drew their wands? I wanted to say, they drew their swords. There are no magic wands in the duelling world. «

» But…, « the llama began.

» Damned it, « Kylie said. » surely there should be magic wands in fairy tales. «

» Watch your mouth, young lady, or we will have to wash it, « the bearded weirdo said and continued.

» The henwife placed the bowl in McMillan's hands. He drank sparingly, and passed it to Kylie Golden-tresses. She lifted it to her lips, and as she tasted it - only tasted it - looked at him. He thought the drink must have been drugged and have affected his brain. Her hair smoothed itself back, and drew her forehead backwards with it; while the lower part of her face projected towards the bowl, revealing, ere she sipped, her dazzling teeth in strange prominence. But the same moment the vision vanished; Kylie Golden-tresses returned the vessel to her stepmother and, rising, hurried out of the cottage. «

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Monday, December 17, 2018

The Donno … Part 17


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» About this very time, the respectable farmer, also known as the fieldsman, whose surname was McMillan, and who resided in the neighbourhood of Musselburgh now, happened to be in Edinburgh about some business. «

» Now we are getting somewhere, « the llama said, » at least I hope. «

And again it gained a hissing sound from Kylie to be silenced.

» In the evening he called upon a friend who lived near Holyrood House; and being seized with an indisposition, they persuaded him to tarry with them all night. About the middle of the night he grew exceedingly ill, and, not being able to find any rest or ease in his bed, imagined he would be better of a walk. «

» He should start looking for some meal seal or hen's wife to get married. That seems to be the cure for everything in this tale of a folk. « llama remarked sarcastically.

» Llama! « the young lady hissed. » Wait and see! «

» He put on his clothes, and, that he might not disturb the family, slipped quietly out the back door, and walked in St. Anthony's garden behind the house. The moon shone so bright, that it was almost as light as noonday, and he had scarcely taken a single turn, when he saw a tall man enter from the other side, buttoned in a drab-coloured greatcoat. It so happened at that time fieldsman McMillan stood in the shadow of the wall, and perceiving that the stranger did not observe him, a thought struck him that it would not be amiss to keep himself concealed, that he might see what the man was going to be about. «

The llama sighed, » … and the author of this tale did not know where to make a proper section or end a paragraph. «

» The man walked backwards and forwards for some time in apparent impatience,… «

The llama whispered, » 'Apparent impatience' - hear, hear! «

» … looking at his watch every minute, until at length another man came in by the same way, buttoned likewise in a greatcoat, and having a bonnet on his head. «

» A what? « the llama mouthed. But Kylie shook her head.

» He was remarkably stout made, but considerably lower in stature than the other. They exchanged only a single word; then turning both about, they threw off their coats, drew their wands, and began a most desperate and well-contested combat. «

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Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Donno … Part 16


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The llama was flipping its lips breathing out heavily.

» Love is the message and marriage the cure? « it asked doubtfully.

» Marriage can be the symptom and the disease, « the young lady thought out loud.

» Marriage is always the happy-ending, « the old man continued.

» At last, at the end of the sixteenth day, when everyone had given up hope of finding a remedy in finding a giantess, the door of the Council Chamber opened and the wicked Queen appeared. «

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Saturday, December 15, 2018

The Donno … Part 15


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» And so frustration moved into a small motel room in the city of Charlotte, North Carolina. «

» Who said that? «

The old man's face turned as red as his bath-robe now. But he got no answer.

Kylie and the llama were looking at the ceiling almost whistling.

And in a far distance some North Carolina bird chirped a slow and bored song with only one note.

» 'Never mind', replied Kylie Golden-tresses. She thought long and hard and sadly. 'The only cure for you, Bromford Curly-locks,' she said at last, 'is to get married. You must find yourself a giantess somewhere.'

'Where?' asked Bromford Curly-locks. «

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Friday, December 14, 2018

The Donno … Part 14


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» But the sprightly son of a fieldsman gained his reward: for Thomas MacDonald was impressed by his courage and paid him handsomely for the trews, and never discovered that a few of the stitches were somewhat long. «

» This story is…, « the llama began confrontationally.

» … very interesting. « The young lady called Kylie completed its sentence secretly plotting how to get rid of the breaded old man.

» I only know Ronald MacDonald. And what the heckmeck is a trew? « the llama murmured unhappily.

Kylie faked a smile.

» Thomas MacDonald is the son of the great King, right? « Kylie asked.

But the old man did not answer.

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Thursday, December 13, 2018

The Donno … Part 13


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» What's the matter with you? « the llama asked. » I just said that Kylie Minogue is a real MILF. That's something I read in this interweb thingy-thing. It means something like she is a Marble I Like to Find. «

» Oh, no, « the young lady smiled with a sigh of relief.

» I think it means something completely different, you know. «

» QUIET! « the old man roared.

» You are interrupting and disturbing my Folk and Fairy Tale! «

» 'It's time I was going home,' said he.

'It's far too late, you can just stay here tonight,' said the other. «

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Wednesday, December 12, 2018

The Donno … Part 12


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» Bromford Curly-locks had to run to catch up the son of the great King and the wicked Queen named Thomas, who was plodding along with the dogs, now returned from their engagement.

'That's a queer chap - the old fieldsman, I mean,' he said.

'I ain't seen no fieldsman, Maaster Bromford Curly-locks,' said Thomas, the son of the great King and the wicked Queen. 'What be 'ee talkin' about?'

'The fellow back there. I bought this stick of him.' «

Neither lady nor llama wanted to think about this next sudden twist in the story-tale.

» But now for something completely different…, « the llama said looking at the young lady.

» Did I ever ask you, who you are and why we two are travelling through the United States of America for the last few months? «

The young lady looked puzzled.

» I am Kylie, but you know that, animal. «

» Oh, blimey! « the llama said. » I always loved Kylie Minogue. And, mother, she is a real MILF! «

» A WHAAAT? « the young lady squeaked.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Donno … Part 11


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» 'If I get the heart and the liver of Kylie Golden-tresses, my daughter, to eat, I shall be well.' «

» The field-working farmer father was ill? « complained the llama. » Did I miss something here? «

» Be quiet, my dear anifriend, « the old man said obviously proud of having invented a new word. » If I may explain - anifriend being a combination of the words animal and… «

» Ah, go on! « The llama was not interested at all.

» Now it happened about this time that the son of the great King had come from abroad to ask Kylie Golden-tresses for marrying. The fieldsman now agreed to this, and they went abroad.

The fieldsman then went and sent Bromford Curly-locks to the hunting-hill for a he-goat, and he gave its heart and its liver to his wife to eat; and the henwife rose well and healthy. «

The llama sighed.

» So this story is about cannibalism in the family. Very good, stepmother, very gentle. But go on. Go on! «

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Monday, December 10, 2018

The Donno … Part 10


* * * * * * * * * *

» At last, they came to a fork where three roads met. The wicked Queen showed Bromford Curly-locks first a narrow track into the hills beset with thorns and briars; this was the path of righteousness, taken by few travellers on life's journey. The second road was broad and flat and grassy: it led through a pretty meadow, and was the busy path to wickedness. Bromford Curley-locks had heard about these paths from the priest at the little church of Ercildoune. But the wicked Queen and Bromford Curley-locks took the third road, the winding fernie brae leading to fair Elfland, and they duly reached their destination in the deep woods as the shadows lengthened and mirk night was falling. «

» Wickedness, my ass! « remarked the llama.

» Lllama! « The young lady exclaimed in disapproval.

» What? « asked the llama. » One of my best friends is an ass, Donkey, the grey ass of Glastonbury. «

* * * * * * * * * *

Sunday, December 09, 2018

The Donno … Part 9


* * * * * * * * *

» 'I am indeed,' Bromford Curly-locks smiled, bowing low to her. 'But I was not always one of them. Come with me, Kylie Golden-tresses, and I will show ye all the flowers of the forest.'

And so they explored the forest of Carterhaugh, which Kylie Golden-tresses had never before visited, in the half-light of the gloaming. «

The young lady and the llama tried their best to ignore the old man, arms crossed over chests, sitting back to back not even looking at each other.

* * * * * * * * *

Saturday, December 08, 2018

The Donno … Part 8


* * * * * * * *

» Don't be a thief, « the young lady said frowning.

And the strange old man continued his story with a mouth full of bakery products.

» 'Perhaps the old woman could help me to do what I seek to do,' said a wicked Queen; and one night, when it was growing dusk, she wrapped a cloak around her, and set out to this old henwife's and her husband's, the fieldsman's, and his children's, Bromford Curly-locks' and Kylie Golden-tresses', cottage.

'Send the Lassie to me tomorrow morning before she has broken her fast,' replied the old dame when she heard what her visitor had to say. 'I will find out a way to mar her beauty.' And the wicked Queen went home content. «

» Seriously? « The llama asked. » A hen's wife and an old TV dog, a rough collie if I remember correctly? And who the heck is this wicked Queen now? Where did she come from? «

» Seriously? « The old man replied. » A young lady and a walking and talking llama are travelling the U.S.A.? «

This made the llama grumble and the young lady raise her eyebrows.

* * * * * * * *

Friday, December 07, 2018

The Donno … Part 7


* * * * * * *

» I said that they were all afraid of them, but that was not true, for the farmer's new wife was so good and gentle that she was not afraid of anything on the Gods' earth, and when the Roanes' supper had to be left outside, she always added a good spoonful of cream to it, for, said she, 'They work so hard for us, and ask no wages, they well deserve the very best meal that we can give them.' «

» Hey! « The llama was not amused. » I was expecting a tale about two hairy siblings and their bad stepmother and now she is all good and gentle? What kind of story is this? «

» And I wonder, « the young lady said dreamily, » Could meal also be an old word for flour? «

» Brownies, « the old man said suddenly. » I would like some Brownies. «

And so the llama stepped outside the motel room to the vending machine to get some brownies by kicking and rattling the machine and not by paying for them, of course.

* * * * * * *

Thursday, December 06, 2018

The Donno … Part 6


* * * * * *

The old man had closed his eyes and kept on telling his story ignoring everyone around him.

» 'I will fill the bairn's can out o' this,' thought the old woman to herself. ''Tis both nourishing and light - the very thing for sick folk.' So, taking the can from the child's hand, she proceeded to draw the meal. «

» WHAAAT? « the llama mouthed.

And the young lady shrugged her shoulders again.

* * * * * *

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

The Donno … Part 5


* * * * *

» They take the form of a beautiful chestnut horse, and come out of the water, all saddled and bridled, as if ready to be mounted; then they graze quietly by the side of the road, until some luckless creature is tempted to get on their back. Then they plunge with him or her into the water, and he or she is no more seen. (At least, so the old folk say, for I have never met one of these creatures myself.) «

» Does that explain anything? « the llama asked the young lady.

And she nodded and shook her head at the same time.

* * * * *

Tuesday, December 04, 2018

The Donno … Part 4


* * * *

» Some of those meals were larger than others, and the country people used to call them 'Roane', and whisper that they were no meals at all, but mermen and merwomen, who came from a country of their own, far down under the ocean, who assumed this strange disguise in order that they might pass through the water, and come up to breathe the air of this earth of ours. «

The llama started whispering again.

» Is it only me who is not getting anything? Who is having a meal with merpeople and what are their strange disguises? I only know one Merman and he is one of the Masters of the Universe. «

* * * *

Monday, December 03, 2018

The Donno … Part 3


* * *

» One day an old woman took a notion into her head to bake a girdleful of cakes. So she took down her baking-board, and went to the meal-chest and fetched a basinful of meal. But when she went to seek a jug of water to mix the meal with, she found that there was none in the house. «

» What's a girdledul? « the llama asked the young lady in a low voice.

But she shrugged her shoulders and asked the old man instead, » Is the old woman the one the fieldsman married? And is she baking wedding cakes? «

And now it was her to be shushed.

* * *

Sunday, December 02, 2018

The Donno … Part 2


* *

» Every story has a beginning, « the old man said.

» Once upon a time …? « the llama asked.

» No, not this time, « the old man continued.

» There was once a man who got his living by working in the fields. He had a little son, called Bromford Curley-locks, and one little daughter, called Kylie Golden-tresses. But his wife was dead, and, as he had to be out all day, these children were often left alone. So, as he was afraid that some evil might befall them when there was no one to look after them, he, in an ill day, married again. «

» Brother Bromford? « the llama asked the young lady, but both, the old man and the young lady shushed it with noises and looks.

* *

Saturday, December 01, 2018

The Donno … Part 1


*

» Let me tell you a story, « the strange old man in his red and white bath-robe said in a broken and mysterious voice, » some old folk and fairy tale. «

And the young lady with the smart phone and the llama animal by her side nodded in agreement not knowing what was to come.

And so the old man started to begin the beginning.

» The beginning is the end is the beginning. «

*

Friday, November 30, 2018

Give us a BREAK !!!



Today is Thursday, the 30th of November 2018.

Kylie and the llama think it's time for a break. No more calls from the states of the United States of America and no more City-Song quizzes in the next few weeks. They have settled down in a motel room in Charlotte, the largest city in North Carolina. Charlotte - just another woman's name. They are trying to get in that Christmas mood everybody is talking about.

And they have met a strange old man with a thick white beard who is either a former member of ZZ Top or the late guru of some trashy singing folkrock family. They met him by the heated pool in the basement of the motel right next to the underground car park. He was wearing a red and white bath-robe and promised to visit them in their room later that night to tell them one or two stories. Isn't that how the Tales from the Thousand and One Nights began?

Be curious and prepared for… well… something… maybe... anyhow...

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 37

Today is Thursday, the 29th of November 2018.

What a great baddabing? What's a baddabing, the llama asks. And the llama is calling from North Carolina. Really? Who dares? Who cares?


"West Bromford"

Feel a chill in the dark
Twilight falls
Feel the beat of your heart
Danger calls

Up to the rooftop, out in the rain...

Well I'm planning it out
Day by day
There's no room for doubt
Just one way

Up to the rooftop, out in the rain...

And I'm looking out over West Bromford
Feeling freer now than I've ever been
When the sun sets over West Bromford
I'll be leaving, I can't come back again
And I'm looking out over West Bromford
West Bromford

In the flood of the light
Safety will shine
We'll be high out of sight
On steel cable line

Up to the rooftop, out in the rain...

And I'm looking out over West Bromford
Feeling freer now than I've ever been
When the sun sets over West Bromford
I'll be leaving, I can't come back again
And I'm looking out over West Bromford
West Bromford

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Head over Tar Heel …


Today is Thursday, the 27th of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from North Carolina. She is calling from North Carolina although she does not sing no carol. And she is no Northerner either. What a stupid remark that was, the llama thinks. Was it a joke? We all think... NO! Or should we think… YES? And here is another new thing for all of you to think about. Since there is a North Carolina and a South Carolina where are East and West Carolina? And why is there no huge, whole and united Carolina at all? Who is this Carolina? And why do we know her name but not her face? Is it the one and only Carolina the one and only Shaggy was singing about? Maybe one could do some research about this topic but one is really lazy and caught too much into the November mood these days. At least Kylie and the llama are.


Carolina!
Whine your body, gyal
Make dem know say you have it fi mad dem

Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina, gyal prowl off
Gyal you fi jump and prance (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Carolina come bubble 'pon me
Oh, watch how she groove
Carolina come whine pon me
Oh, watch how di gyal groove
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina, gyal prowl off
Gyal you fi jump and prance (Prowl off, jump an prance)

Oh, Carolina is a girl
She deh pon top of di world
Well now she rock her body
And a move just like a squirrel
I say, "young baby girl!"
I said, "I love how you move"
"You just a rock to di rhythm, and a riddim and move
And now you know di girl-"

Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina, gyal prowl off
Gyal you fi jump an prance (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina, gyal prowl off
Gyal you fi jump an prance (Prowl off, 1 -2 - 3, hit me! )
Carolina come bubble 'pon me
Oh, watch how she groove
Carolina come whine pon me
Oh, watch how di gyal groove
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina, gyal prowl off
Gyal you fi jump and prance (Prowl off, jump an prance)

Well now, me love how she shock
Watch how she rock
Body, it a swing like mi grandfather clock
Gyal, move your body make man dem drop!
Bumper jus' a move, it jus' a cause roadblock

Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Yes, Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
Carolina, Carolina, Oh Carolina (Prowl off, jump an prance)
All di Brooklyn gyal dem, dem know fi jump and rock
I say, di Flatbush gyal dem know how fi get up and rock (Get up and rock!)






Friday, November 23, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 36


Today is Thursday, the 23rd of November 2018.

Must be, because... Thursquiz... You know... Do you?


"Bromford"

There she stood in an empty room, heard a voice from another time,
And the memories came rolling back of Bromford in the war;

For the girl in the photograph, much had changed in the years that passed,
But her longing for the boy she loved was still the same since the war;

It was a moonless night upon the road of life, when he'd held her to say goodbye,
Many more would survive, for he stayed behind to help them live again;

When they met at the garden gate, tears would fall from a deep embrace,
For she never knew what happened to the boy she loved in the war;

Back in those happy days, before the soldiers came,
To break down the ones who remained,
And they only survived, who could learn to die, and live to fight again;

There they stood in an empty room, heard a voice from another time,
And their memories came rolling back of Bromford in the war.



Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The Old Dominion...

Today is Wednesday, the 21st of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from Virginia. She is calling from Virginia although she is not a virgin. And she is no Nia either. What a stupid remark that was, the llama thinks. Was it a joke? We all think... NO! And here is a new thing for all of you to think about. Since there is a Virginia and a West Virginia where are North, South and East Virginia? And why is there no huge, whole and united Virginia at all? Who is this Virginia? And why do we know her name but not her face? Maybe one could do some research about this topic but one is really lazy and caught too much into the November mood these days. At least Kylie and the llama are. She called it by its' name "KussKuss" the other day and guess what happened. I can see the animal grin through the phone.

Careful, trekkies! It's that Dominion from the Gamma quadrant attacking Mothers of Presidents and the Mothers of Statesmen...


And I just read that it all comes back from the American Civil War... So no more kidding about that... (Long Live The King! May He Live Long And Prosper!)

Friday, November 16, 2018

America in Miniature …


Today is Friday, the 16th of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from Maryland. Thomas West, the 3rd Baron De La Warr, is not a mummy, she wants to point out. He was more of a wax figure in some wax museum because he was the founder of the colonie of Delaware or something like that. The llama is yawning. Boring, it says.
But Kylie is sad today. She just got to know that she will have to say to good-bye to her neighbours on some German Colonization Street in 2020. No more family and mother Beamer. No more family Schutzschild - although only Tanga Schutzschild stayed in the neighbourhood running a hair and beauty palace. No more communes of people sharing an apartment. No more wisdoms of Confucius. No more love, sex and crime. And she will miss Sunny and Cher. Or was it Sunny and Klaus? It is a pity. He lost so much weight lately. But maybe 36 years is more than enough. Time to pray good-bye. All good things come to an end. With the exception of sausages, because sausages have two ends.

Take this thing back to Baltimore …

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 35

Today is Thursday, the 15th of November 2018.

Today's town is a "repeat offender". But it is not the same song. At least... I hope... Weed... too much weed...

TOO MANY WEEDSDAYS !!!


"Streets Of Bromford"

Do you remember, remember the days
Life was easy, we felt no pain
Do you remember, remember the time
Love was passion and there were no crimes, but...

Eyes grow weak and skin gets tight
I know we gotta walk that mile
Eyes grow weak and skin gets tight
I know we gotta walk that mile

Oh, can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford
Stop for a coffee, it was stone cold
Nevermind, we could just let it roll
Let it roll, let it roll
We could just let it roll
Let it roll, let it roll

You could be Yoko and I could be John, yeah
We'll stay in bed and they'll [?]
Our clutching hands, dodging bikes and trams
I wanna see you in a neon glass

Eyes grow weak and skin gets tight
I know we gotta walk that mile
Eyes grow weak and skin gets tight
I know we gotta walk that mile

Oh, can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford
Stop for a coffee, it was stone cold
Nevermind, we could just let it roll
Let it roll, let it roll
We could just let it roll
Let it roll, let it roll

Tryin' means nothin' at all
Tryin' means nothin' at all
Means nothin' at all
Means nothin' at all

Oh, can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford
Stop for a coffee, it was stone cold
Nevermind, we could just let it roll
Let it roll, let it roll
We could just let it roll

Can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford
Stop for a coffee, it was stone cold
Nevermind, we could just let it roll

Ooh yeah
Can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford
Stop for a coffee, it was stone cold
Nevermind, we could just let it roll
Let it roll
Can we go walkin' together
Through the streets of Bromford


Monday, November 12, 2018

A Small Wonder …


Today is Monday, the 12th of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from Delaware. Nobody will believe that we are really here if you do not tell them from which town we are calling, the llama shouts in the background. And I can hear Kylie frown. Kylie says she is calling from Dover. No way, the llama protests. Here are no white cliffs and we are not in the South East of England. OK, Kylie says, our next stop will be Wilmington. She is not making it any better, the llama cries. Be more specific, woman. Way more specific. Kylie is sighing. She is going to ignore the llama for the rest of the day. She is going to concentrate on her appointment for the evening although the animal is insisting on calling it a date. She met this gentleman, Thomas West, the 3rd Baron De La Warr. Old European nobility, she thinks. Lower nobility perhaps, but still nobility. And the llama insists on calling him a mummy …


Saturday, November 10, 2018

Take me back to the Garden …

Today is Saturday, the 10th of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from New Jersey. And the llama keeps on asking what happened to the Old Jersey. Maybe it was not good anymore and so they had to build a new one. Wasted, that's what the llama thinks. Kylie is getting less worried and more and more bored. So she decided to write a biography about the llama. I can hear your thoughts, Bromford Bibble. Do never try to ask the llama about its' life or past or anything. You will never get it to shut up again. It will go on talking and speaking and babbeling for ever and ever. But Kylie says, at the moment the animal seems not to be interested in talking about its' story at all. OK, it won't stop speaking and babbling but it is more about liberty and prosperity and things like that. Did you know that Thomas Alva Edison the famous inventor and businessman had a laboratory in West Orange, New Jersey, in 1901? And did you know that he is responsible for the very first cat video in world's history? Believe it or not. There were boxing cats involved. Think about it …


Thursday, November 08, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 34


Today is Thursday, the 8th of November 2018.

Perspective. I should check my perspective. Who is calling? And who is the caller?


"What Bromford Couples Fight About"

Once a label is on something
It becomes an it
Like it's no longer alive
It's like a loss of vision
Or some dark impression
Or a black spot on your eye
If it's up to you
My little sweet baboo

Through the shouting and the fever
Think of life as queer
Think of it my dear
As some knobs or a fancy tone
From here there is no reason
Baby's got it made
But it's not what the life's about
What is imagination?
May become a fact
If we think of it that way

If you want to know
I can tell you now
Or if you make it through somehow
Or is it best to keep or fall to sleep
It isn't looking very good to me from here

Hey,
He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know
What do Bromford couples fight about
Brother's gonna work it out
(Baby's got the bed sheet)
How do
(That was under you)
Bromford
(When your time and and the life expires)
Couples Fight it out
What these couples fight about

(Keeps it in the closet)
What do
(Keeps it to herself)
Bromford
(She should throw the damn thing out)
Couples fight about
But their gonna work it out
(Why should you continue)
How do
(To shake it off)
Bromford
(Would you write things on the wall)
Couples fight it out
What these couples fight about

You could make it hard, to be
In the shouting you will see
Or is it best to change the world you're keeping
Down again

Hey,
He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know...

Such is the sound of sorry
Without the shy report
Or the grips that could hold you down

(Just when things were looking up
You act just like a horses butt)
Everything was simple
But the body's worn
Got the life spread on the ground
(Powder pink and general,
the kitchen sink, a funeral)
Every loving other
Don't you fade on me
Like a bomb that's about to blow

(Often we will overlook,
the things that make it undercooked)
We can make it hard
Or we can take the world apart
Or you'd never be that sure?
Of the simple thing that makes you want to cry again

Hey,
He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know 'cause I forget

He's distressed
And I forget
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know


Sunday, November 04, 2018

Look… There's a keystone…


Today is Sunday, the 4th of November 2018.

Kylie is calling from Pennsylvania. And no, this is not a region in Rumania and not the home of the infamous Count Dracula. This is the Keystone State, the Quaker State. The capitol of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg. Other big and populous cities are Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, being the hometown of brat Pitt. And the llama knows it's always sunny in Philadelphia. And Kylie says don't ring my bell. And what is a Quaker? Some sort of duck bird named after the noises it makes? Quack, quack, quack? But our two travellers are not important today. You are the main person here, Bromford Bibble. You and you alone. No beige cults, no strange beige cult leaders. Keep your head down, Bromford Bibble, and avoid the helicopter blades. You are part of the test now. You have been part of the test the whole time. It is hole time. Time is a hole. Wake up, Bromford Bibble, and enter your keycard.




Thursday, November 01, 2018

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 33

Today is Thursday, the 1st of November 2018.

Tell me why... I don't like Thursdays... Tell me why... I don't like Thursdays... Tell me why... I wanno shoot hu hu hoot... the.. whole... day... down...


"Bromford"

Looka yonder! Looka yonder!
Looka yonder! A big black cloud come!
A big black cloud come!
O comes to Bromford. Comes to Bromford

Yonder on the horizon
Yonder on the horizon
Stopped at the mighty river
Stopped at the mighty river and
Sucked the damn thing dry
Bromford-o-o, O Bromford
In a valley hides a town called Bromford

Distant thunder rumble. Distant thunder rumble
Rumble hungry like the Beast
The Beast it cometh, cometh down
The Beast it cometh, cometh down
Wo wo wo-o-o
Bromford bound. Bromford-o-o. Yeah Bromford
The Beast it cometh, Bromford bound


Why the hen won't lay no egg
Can't get that cock to crow
The nag is spooked and crazy
O God help Bromford! O God help Bromford!
O God help Bromford! O God help Bromford!

Ya can say these streets are rivers
Ya can call these rivers streets
Ya can tell ya self ya dreaming buddy
But no sleep runs this deep
No! No sleep runs this deep
No sleep runs this deep
Women at their windows
Rain crashing on the pane
Writing in the frost
Bromfords' shame. Bromford's shame
O God help Bromford! O God help Bromford!

O go to sleep lil children
The sandmans on his way
O go to sleep lil children
The sandmans in his way
But the lil children know
They listen to the beating of their blood
listen to the beating of their blood
listen to the beating of their blood
listen to the beating of their blood
They listen to the beating of their blood
The sandman's mud!
The sandman's mud!
And the black rain come down
the black rain come down
the black rain come down
Water water everywhere
Where no bird can fly no fish can swim
Where no bird can fly no fish can swim
No fish can swim
Until The King is born!
Until The King is born!
In Bromford! Bromford-o-o!
Til The King is born in Bromford!

In a clap-board shack with a roof of tin
Where the rain came down and leaked within
A young mother frozen on a concrete floor
With a bottle and a box and a cradle of straw
Bromford-o-o! O Bromford!
With a bottle and a box and a cradle of straw

Well Saturday gives what Sunday steals
And a child is born on his brothers heels
Come Sunday morn the first-born dead
In a shoebox tied with a ribbon of red
Bromford-o-o! Hey Bromford!
In a shoebox buried with a ribbon of red

O ma-ma rock you lil' one slow
O ma-ma rock your baby
O ma-ma rock your lil' one slow
O God help Bromford! O God help Bromford!
Mama rock your lil' one slow
The lil one will walk on Bromford
The lil one will walk on Bromford
Black rain come down, Black rain come down
Bromford-o-o! Yeah Bromford!
And carry the burden of Bromford
Bromford-o-o! O Bromford! Yeah!
The King will walk on Bromford!
Bromford-o-o! O Bromford!
He carried the burden outa Bromford!
Bromford-o-o! Hey Bromford!
You will reap just what you sow