Bromford Below - Part 11

»Mai Ling, tell the coachman to hurry up«, the woman in the next waggon says in a commanding tone, »we have to reach the Smith of Bristol before dawn. Our carriage horses need new shoes.«

Her Asian servant is looking at us.

»Miss Austen has lost her mind«, the little round woman with the dark eyes the other woman addressed as 'Mai Ling', explains. »She thinks we are in a carriage inside one of her novels.«

I remember Kathrine Jane Austen and her employee Mai Ling. She is a self-proclaimed bestseller author of romance novels set in the royalty of the late 18th or 19th century with lots of love affairs between lords and ladies or lords and maids or ladies and stable guys or coachmen - whatever their ranks and titles may be. Mean voices used to say Austin didn't sell as many books as she always stated in her many interviews with the tabloid media. Some said her rich father bought more than half of her books she had ever written and published to increase her sells.

»Mai Ling, stop babbling! The Earl of Creamcheese awaits us for dinner! Or was it luncheon?«

»And the Mad Hatter and the Dormouse are having her for a tea party?« the llama asks.

Now Professor Sideburns steps in front of us

»Is she who I think she is?«

»Madam Kathrine Jane Austen, queen of the tabloids herself, that's what she is«, Mai Lings sighs.

And to Kathrine Jane herself she says, »Do you want another chewing gum, Miss? I am sorry, that's all I can offer you right now. A packet of chewing was all I had in my pockets when we came here.«

Professor Sideburns is melting away.

»Miss Austen«, he whispers with a frog in his throat. »I have always been the dearest admirer of you and your works. I can't await your next novel to find out who of the two brothers Miss Misery Chastain will finally chose, Ian or Geoffrey Winthorne.«

»Mai Ling!« Kathrine squeaks. »Bring me my quill and some parchment. This gentleman is a fan and needs an autograph!«

Professor Sideburns is looking at us with shrugging shoulders.

»A university man like me needs some distraction sometime. And Misery Chastain is really hot.«

He is clearing his throat and trying to sit down next to the famous author.

Miss Austin starts talking, »Did you know that If a person has a frog in the throat, it doesn't mean that the person literally - as in actually - has a real frog in the throat? The phrase 'frog in the throat' simply means the person is having trouble speaking due to a problem with the throat, such as hoarseness, phlegm, coughing or soreness. Angelica, a cousin of Misery Chastain's, is going to die of soreness in my next novel, tragically only a few weeks after her romantic wedding with Ian Winthorne.«

»Madam, please don't spoil it for me«, Sideburns says jokingly.

But suddenly Kathrine Jane Austin becomes very serious. She sinks back into her seat, touching her forehead with the back of her hand.

»Mai Ling, pass me my sleeping mask. The migraine is returning. This constant driving on the tracks is making me sick and dizzy. Did you notice that we are driving for many days and hours now without ever stopping. Doesn't this train have any stations to halt? Even horses and carriages need a rest from time to time.«

Emergency brakes, comes to my mind, somebody should try to pull the emergency brakes.

🎄🎄🎄🕯🎄🎅
🎄🎄🎄🎄🕯

"Medley a. Bromford City / b. Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey"

Ah, Bromford City
coming to get my baby back home
yeah, yeah
I'm gonna Bromford City
coming to get my baby back home
yeah, yeah
Well, it's a long, long, time
since my baby's been gone
Ah, Bromford City
coming to get my baby on time
yeah, yeah
I'm gonna Bromford City
coming to get my baby on time
yeah, yeah

It's just a one, two, three, four
five, six, seven, eight, nine, wah


Hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, baby, you're no clown
I say you're no clown
Now, now, now, now,
Tell me baby
What's been wrong with you
Hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, baby, you're no clown
I say you're no clown
Now, now, now, now,
Tell me baby
What's been wrong with you
Well, I'll say bye
bye, bye, baby bye, bye
Oh, so long
Bye, bye, baby I'm gone
Yeah, I said
bye, bye, baby, bye, bye
bye, bye, bye, bye
Well, I'll say bye
bye, bye, baby bye, bye
Oh, so long
Bye, bye, baby I'm gone
Yeah, I said
bye, bye, baby, bye, bye
bye, bye, bye, bye