Bromford Below - Part 07

»Why so sad, little man?« Another elderly woman with a strict look and a gray hair-bun walks up to me trying to grab my face by the cheeks. »And why the long face? Leave long faces to the horses, they are used to them.«

»Who are you?« I ask trying to sound as if I really care.

»Come on, little man, you must know me. Every man of your age in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, knows me. I used to be every men's first teacher in primary school. Don't you recognize me? I am Miss Somerhalder, Miss Samantha Somerhalder.«

»I didn't go to primary school in Bromford«, I try to explain. »I used to live at the Polar Circle when I was a kid of that age. I didn't move to Bromford before 2009.«

»I am pretty sure you were one of my little penguins at the Bear Mountain Park Picnic once«, Miss Somerhalder insists.

»Penguins do not live near the Polar Circle«, the llama adds. »That is the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Antarctic, that's where the penguins dwell.«

»The other day at university«, Nigel joins this strange conversation, »I read an article about that annual picnic in Bromford and how a lost and hungry polar bear attacked a group of dancing primary pupils. And weren't they dressed up as penguins?«

Miss Somerhalder is shaking her head and hands, »My boyfriend's lawyer said it wasn't my fault and they had nothing against me.«

»Puffins«, Professor Sideburns says. »Puffins live in the Arctic. Maybe you all have mixed up penguins with puffins.«

But I remember Miss Somerhalder now, not from my schooldays, but from the apartment-building on 666, Whitaker Lane.

»You are Samantha Somerhalder from Apartment 7, aren't you? Former primary teacher. And your boyfriend is that rich guy from Apartment 21 - Harrod Woolforth, Foolworth, or something like that.«

»I don't know what you are talking about«, Miss Somerhalder says in a singing tone. »But every time I see a sad face I have to do something about it. How can we turn that frown upside down?«

»Make him do a headstand«, the llama suggests.

My head is spinning. Memories of fisher Frank Rutherford and how he bludgeoned a wild polar bear to death, a statue they made of this and the annual Bear Park Picnic they organize around that statue come to my mind.

And out of nothing Miss Somerhalder asks the following question, »What is the capitol of Poland?«

»David Bowie said Warszawa«, I think.

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"Bromford, Michigan"

I was born in Bromford, Michigan

And I grew up in a house on Bromford Bay

My daddy was a poor hard working Bromford fisherman

Too many times he came home with too little pay

I loved a girl in Bromford, Michigan

She was the daughter of a wealthy, wealthy man

But he called me, "That son of a Bromford fisherman"

And not good enough to ever claim his daughter's hand

That's why I'm up here in Alaska looking around for gold

Like a crazy fool I'm a digging in the frozen ground, so cold

But with each new day I pray I'll strike it rich and then

I'll go back home and claim my love in Bromford, Michigan

I wrote my love in Bromford, Michigan

I said, "Honey, I'm a coming home, please wait for me

And you can tell your dad that I'm coming back a richer man

I've hit the biggest strike in Klondike history"

Her dad met the bus in Bromford, Michigan

And he gave me a great big party with champagne

Then he said, "Son, you're wise, young ambitious man

Why don't you sell your father-in-law your Klondike claim?"

Now he's up there in Alaska digging in the cold, cold ground

That greedy fool is a looking for the gold I never found

But it serves him right and nobody here is missing him

Least of all the newly-weds of Bromford, Michigan