Bromford Below - Part 03

»Waggon 23 is gone«, I mumble. »We should have told Frank to join us. Instead he might have conducted his last flight to Rome or somewhere.«

All of a sudden I feel something cold, round and steely hard pressed from behind against my cervical spine.

»Watch out«, I can hear Kylie call nearby, but obviously it is too late to watch out.

»What is going on here?« I hear a male voice with a strong Spanish accent near my ear.

»Be careful with that gun, mi vida. Remember what happened the last time.«

This time it was a woman speaking with a Spanish accent.

»Don’t' move!« she orders my companions I cannot see behind my back.

»And you«, the man says still pressing that thing I must now think is a gun against my neck, »turn around.«

Two beautiful black-eyed and black-haired persons come to my sight as I do what the man told me.

»Enrico, I know these guys«, the woman says. »Most of them are our neighbours. And that one is that annoying llama from the penthouse.«

»Why are you using my real name, Izabella?« the man grumbles.

»And why did you call me annoying, Izabella?« the llama asks furiously.

They are Izabella and Enrico Sanchez Estevez De La Rossa from Apartment 3 and they always had a strange vibe of criminal secrecy around them in my eyes. And am I not proven right standing here being threatened by weapons by both of them?

»We do not mean any harm to you«, I try to explain. »Please lower your guns, my friends.«

Enrico is laughing now and Izabella is joining him.

»This is no real gun, amigo. This is a lighter shaped like a gun.«

He is pulling the trigger making a little flame appear at the top of the barrel.

»And last time he used it«, Izabella adds laughing, »he spilled lighter fluid all over the living-room carpet.«

»Let me guess«, I say, »you guys cannot tell me where we are or where we are going to, either?«

»Not really«, Enrico says.

»Last thing we remember was having the worst pies in Bromford at Speedy's Sandwich Bar & Café and lying sick on the couch in our apartment afterwards«, Izabella says.

🎄🎄🎄

"The Worst Pies In Bromford"

MRS. LOVETT:
(Spoken) A customer!


Wait!
What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a --
Fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can'tcher sit!
Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague --
Ugh! What is that?
But you think we had the plague!
From the way that people
Keep avoiding --
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
Ick!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you, I can't hardly blame them!
These are probably the worst pies in Bromford!
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know,
I make them,
But good? No!
The worst pies in Bromford,
Even that's polite!
The worst pies in Bromford,
If you doubt it, take a bite!
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!
Here, drink this, you'll need it!
The worst pies in Bromford...
And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor
Animals
Wot are dyin' in the street!
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop!
Does a business but I notice something weird.
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared!
Have to hand it to her --
Wot I calls
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies!
Wouldn't do in my shop!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick!
No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in Bromford!
Only lard and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like,
Well, pity
A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in Bromford!
Ah, sir, times is hard,
Times is hard!