Bromfords of the Kollobita´´rtainnen - Part 15

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"Hand Grenade Of Bromford"

ARTHUR:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Bromford! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

MONKS: (chanting)
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem

ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?

LANCELOT:
I know not, my liege

ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one

SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy."
And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother

SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Bromford towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Amen

KNIGHTS:
Amen

ARTHUR:
Right!
One!... Two!... Five!

GALAHAD:
Three, sir!

ARTHUR:
Three!
(Angels sing)
(BOOM)

»The Tijuana Moon is the Cheshire Cat grinning in the other direction today«, Mr. Tumbleweed is looking at the timeless sky that pretends to be a morning sky again. »I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in the water. «

»Where are dragons? « the llama asks Sideburns. »Is that artificial's story becoming true after all? Are you going to betray us und feed us to a dragon? «

»There might be dragons and never tickle a dragon in his sleep«, the faun says all absent again.

»No, no, no«, Claude Sideburns tries to appease. »I told you the whole betraying thing was only a false tall tale by the artificial intelligence in Gilbert's computer browser. This here I have read in one of my scientific magazines. Medieval mapmakers supposedly inscribed the phrase 'Here Be Dragons' on maps showing unknown regions of the world. Unfortunately, however, it appears that, apart from an inscription on a single, 16th-century globe, this claim is unfounded. The inscription 'Here Be Dragons' was virtually never used and there were no dragons. «

»Are you sure? « the captain asks with a dry mouth. »Our customer should have warned us, tell us more detailed what awaited us. «

Hammock falls silent, stands up from the fastened table and steps to the wooden railing of the WaveEater grabbing it with both hands. His eyes follow the far horizon as if he is looking for something.

Again Rilliam B. Wiker continues the story, »The man in the alley…«

Mr. Tummy interrupts shyly, »He was a man, Rill, wasn't he? «

»Only Neptune knows. The stranger told the captain and me to sail east. To Europe or Africa, we asked. But he didn't answer to that. After three days, he said, or in the first night of the next full-moon, whatever came first, we should take the Amber Heart of the Sea out of its' leather bag and let it guide us to the Kollobita´´rtainnen Sea and the island of Greenlion. We hired a crew and the next day the WaveEater set sails. «

»Unfortunatley«, Tummy, the ship cook, adds.

Today is Friday, the 15th of December 2023.

Bromfords of the Kollobita´´rtainnen - Part 14

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"Bromford Moon"

They told me all the hymns were born
Out of the saxophone
And I went down to test them all
Beneath the Bromford moon
I saw violence in the moon
Two broken lovers strong and strewn
I drank myself into a dream:

Bromford moon
My daddy Bromford moon
Oh my darlin'
Bromford moon Lord my daddy
Bromford moon

You can keep the Texas blues
Tequila and the bruning stone
But my amigo
Nothin's good against the Bromford moon

Talk about daddy Bromford moon
Talk about lovin' Bromford moon
Talk about daddy Bromford moon

»The Amber Heart of the Sea was crafted by the Kollobita´´rtainnen Sea itself«, the faun continues. »It is a pendant made of a core of amber that is sheltering one single tear of Queen Titania herself. This heart is wrapped in shaped and shiny red corals interlaid with sprinkles of gold and silver and the light of the first full-moon before the being of time. «

All three members of the crew of the WaveEater are nodding and sighing in unison.

»That's what our customer in that alley in Quantico told us«, Captain Ahabraham Hammock consents. »He also said, it was hundreds or maybe thousands of years ago that the famous thief of San Antonio stole that gem from the neck of Queen Titania herself. And that it was about time that it was brought back to its' true owners. «

»I only know the thief of Bagdad«, Nigel whispers.

»The shady man in the alley gave us a little laced leather bag«, the first mate Rilliam Wiker picks up the captain's story, »together with a slight warning. «

»We shouldn't take it out of its bag too often and look at it«, the captain continues, »or its' glamour and beauty would confuse and lull our senses. «

»The stranger paid well«, the first officer says, »enough gold for a living of a fifty-headed crew for at least three years. And we would get additionally rewarded once we handed the Amber Heart over to the King and the Queen. «

»I had to accept«, Captain Hammock sighs, »although I had never heard of the kingdom of Greenlion and it was nowhere to be found on the nautical charts. When I showed him a sea map he just pointed at an unknown region where the mapmaker had painted the image of a dragon. «

»Here Be Dragons«, Claude Sideburns mumbles.

»What? « the llama and Nigel ask simultaneously.

Today is Thursday, the 14th of December 2023.

Bromfords of the Kollobita´´rtainnen - Part 13

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"Bromford Rose"

Deep within my heart lies a melody
A song of old Bromford
Where in dreams I live with a memory
Beneath the stars all alone
It was there I found beside the Alamo
Enchantment strange as the blue up above
A moonlit pass that only she would know
Still hears my broken song of love
Moon in all your splendour
Hear only my heart
Call back my Rose, Rose of Bromford
Lips so sweet and tender
Like petals falling apart
Speak once again of my love, my own
Broken song, empty words I know
Still live in my heart all alone
For the moonlit pass by the Alamo
And Rose, my Rose of Bromford

»And that is part of the problem«, the first mate mumbles. »We had a job when we came to the Kollobita´´rtainnen. A transport for King Oberon and Queen Titania of Greenlion. «

Mr. Tummy, the cook, gives signs to the first mate, by making only seemingly secret faces to the captain who is sitting right next to them.

»I think it is not a good idea and time to mention the job«, he says. »You know he«, he is somehow trying to point on Hammock with his nose, »is not going to respond well to that. «

»Shut up, both of you«, the captain rumbles by smashing both fists on the fastened breakfast table.

Food and trays are making a little jump in the air.

»I know what you are talking about. And one day the king and the queen will get back what is theirs and what we picked up as our freight in the harbour of Coconut Grove. «

»Mmh«, the llama says, »I love coconuts, all crispy and crunchy. I wish they would grow them without the splintery and watery white flesh on the inside. «

»We agreed on Quantico«, Mr. Wiker says again. »We picked up that cursed thing in the harbour of Quantico from that hooded figure with the long coat that didn't look like a coat on his back, more like something moving, back in that alley behind the old harbour tavern. «

»What is it your ship is carrying for my Lord and Lady? «

Mr. Tumbleweed, the faun, has finally decided to join in our conversation, all ears, so to say.

»Isn't that obvious? « Captain Ahabraham Hammock shouts from the bottom of his heart. »It's the Amber Heart of the Sea, you fools. And I have to see to keep it save before it can be returned to Greenlion. Save from him. «

»What is the Amber Heart of the Sea? « I ask.

»Yes«, the llama adds unnecessarily, »no-one has ever heard of that Amber Heart. «

»I have«, the faun says, »and I never even dreamed to take another look at it. The Amber Heart of the Sea is the finest piece of jewellery that was every crafted. «

Today is Wednesday, the 13th of December 2023.