Longer Arms …

Longer boats are coming to win us

They're coming to win us, they're coming to win us

Longer boats are coming to win us

Hold on to the shore, they'll be taking the key from the door.

Some Cat is singing in my head as I am striding down the hallway of my penthouse above the 15th storey of the apartment building on 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford the friendly town by the shore and seaside.

The elevator doors are open. Isn't the elevator still broken, I wonder.

As I approach the elevator shaft I can hear and see somebody fumble with the elevator steel ropes somewhere in the deep.

I crawl near the edge trying to see something in the dark.

'Is someone down there?' I shout.

'Of course there is somebody down here. What a stupid question!'

It's the llama. Who else can it be?

'What are you dowing down there, animal?' I ask.

'I am trying to paint the ceiling, can't you see, you silly hedgepig?'

'Hog', I correct the animal.

'WHAAAT?'

'The correct word is hedgehog not hedgepig.'

'Hog, pig, that's all the same', the animal says. 'Help me out of here you, you bungeling porcupine!'

'I cannot see you', I say, 'therefor I cannot reach you. And stop calling me animal names, animal.'

'Longer arms!' the llama shouts out. 'We need longer arms.'

'OK', I say. 'I'll try calling the janitor.'

'Concierge', the llama says, 'Call Mario or Luigi our concierge not our janitor. He likes that.'

Whatever, I think.

'But let me read your fortune cookie for today first. The fortune cookie says,

We need longer arms.'

'BROMFORD !!!'

I am bursting out laughing.

'No, to be honest, the fortune cookie says,

Has the time come yet?'

Today is Tuesday, the 7th of January 2020.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 89

Today is Friday, the 3rd of January 2020.

A rainy Friday afternoon with not much to do.

And now a song that gives me a headache...

"Bromford City"

Came a card marked Bromford City

From my forwarder.

Shut the door, don't let my dad see;

Read aloud

Dear sir,

Understanding you account an upright gent-

lemen Aetna Life agreed and lent.

By the way, my fee is 2.6 percent.

Write again the Riceville widow

SASE.

I would guess they'll be turned out though

I'll still make my plea:

If the Dunlay heirs cannot be seen to care,

Then the Banker's Trust will surely think it fair

To not give extensions, as they mustn't dare.

Write Des Moines on several matters

And I near anoint,

Ladle thick the pleasant flatters,

And then comes the point;

Mr. Nelson wouldn't like to hear it said

As he's too proud, so I do it in his stead:

He shall need an extension--so it read.

--Take the Oregon Short Line to Salt Lake;

take the Pere Marquette, take the Michigan Central,

to West Madison for Christ's sake.

Forgemen, Molders, Blacksmiths, Boilermakers,

None on the make.

Up for shade on Crumb Hill

Get something to make my hands still.

But now--Wait.

How are you my nabs?

Little tender footed crabs,

Meet my knuckle duster.

You geeched that gazoon's gow

Tried to break into the bow:

Go wipe your nose.

I'm just hanging out with some noler knockums,

Passing time waiting till my stack comes.

Prussian who got jackered,

My snapper till your knockered,

Get on the snam.

The chivman wants your chip;

Better dummy up then go dip:

You're outta turn.

I learned that the lowest form of life is the buffer nabber,

Even worse than the dicer stabber.

Longer Boats ...

Longer boats, said Emperor William, the third, we need longer boats, while trying to conquer France coming from Lake Constance and the river Rhine. Let's raise our glasses and do it like William, the third. Let's conquer the year 2020 like the Emperor once conquered La France.

What a strange toast, I think. But I can see Kylie and her son Nigel raise their champagne glasses, both with very awkward smiles. Ok, let's clink glasses, I think.

No, No, NO, the llama says. You are getting it all wrong. Not those glasses. I hate that bubbling beverage. Take off those glasses from your noses and raise them to the ceiling.

Stop being ridiculous, animal, I say. I do not even wear glasses.

OK. The animal is leaning over to my ear. It was just a test. I am quite shure that those two human performers over there do not exist. There are too many strangers in this penthouse if you want my opinion.

I grab the llama's neck and start tousling and ruffling its' head hair.

Come on, pal, I say, don't be like that. I wish you a happy new year and many more to come.

I am just being cautious, the llama says drinking the champagne in one big sip. Just being cautious.

And the fortune cookie says,

A strange experience enriches you life.

Today is Wednesday, the 1st of January 2020.