Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 109

Today is Friday, the 29th of May 2020.

Weird and wicked Wednesday, wasted whatever.

Why do I keep forgetting to post on Wednesdays?

Wasted Wednesdays.

But the days of the week are more than obsolete

these days. When does a week start? When does it end?

Why are they using these stinking paper towels again?

Are the softer ones too expensive?

I do not deal well with changes.

Maybe I do not deal well with Wednesdays.

Time for a Friday routine. Fish and some kind of quiz.

Do you remember Pentecost ???

"Bromford"

Nothing here to fear
I'm just sitting around being foolish when there is work to be done
Just a hang-up call
And the quiet breathing of our Persian we call Cajun on a Bromford

So we go from year to year with secrets we've been keeping
Though you say you're not a Templar man
Seems as if we're circling for very different reasons
But one day the Eagle has to land

Out past the fountain, a left by the station
I start the day in the usual way
Then think, well, why not, and stop for a coffee
And begin to recall things that you say

No one's at the door
You suggest a ghost, perhaps a phantom, I agree with this in part
Something is with us
I can't put my finger on, is Thumbelina size ten on a Bromford

So we go from year to year with secrets we've been keeping
Though you say you're not a Templar man
You tell me to cheer up, you suspect we're oddly even
Even still the Eagle has to land

Out past the fountain, a left by the station
I start the day in the usual way
Then think, well, why not, and stop for a coffee
And begin to recall things that you say

Pluck up the courage and snap it's gone again
I start humming 'When Doves Cry'
Can someone help me I think that I'm lost here
Lost in a place called America…

Longer Beaches …

'Kevin Bacon is the best actor in the world!'

What kind of Llamaism is this now?

'Really?' I ask. 'Are you sure? Didn't you think David Hasselhoff was the best actor in the world only a few months ago?'

'Sorry. I might be wrong there. Kevin Actor is the best baker in the world. You as meat eater, can you tell me, is bacon ham?'

I don't want to talk about meat right now, may it be bacon or ham.

'Do you know Karsten Speck?' the animal asks.

Who the…

'David Hasselhoff once said in the backstage area of one of his rock concerts that Karsten Speck was the German Kevin Bacon.'

'Animal? What are you talking about?'

The llama is standing at the balustrade of the roof terrace looking in the direction of Bromford Bridge.

'Did you hear about the rocks at Bromford Beach?' llama asks.

'Bromford Beach is quite sandy', I say. ''All the ads, the mayor and the tourists' information say, there are no rocks on Bromford Beach. We have got the smoothest beach on the whole Eastcoast.'

'Or Westcoast or Northcoast or Southcoast', the llama whispers. 'Don't forget, Bromford is the Springfield of the internet. Nobody shall ever know where it lies.'

Than it shows me the newspaper on the table on the roof terrace.

'I am talking about these rocks.'

There is a fotograph above the headline of Bromford's Daily Bugle. It shows a strange kind of yellow rockformation in low water. Before I can read the headline llama takes away the newspaper.

'There was this storm last week', the animal says. 'And this storm washed away all the precious golden sand on Bromford Beach. All that is left are these stone pillars, standing in circles, like Stonehenge or something. Nobody knows where they came from. Nobody knows if they have been there all the time - only buried by sand maybe. The scientists are flabbergasted. Archaeologists are keen to explore them. They can hardly hold their spatulas and brushes trembling with excitement. Mystery is on its' way. The druids of the world are gathering. And you have not heard about these rocks at Bromford Beach, dude?'

'Wait a minute', I say. 'This isn't the Daily Bugle you are reading. It must be the Daily Conspirator.'

'Open your mind, you blockhead. We as residents of the Bromford Labs should investigate in this case. We will be rich. We will be famous.'

Is every heavy breathing a sigh?

And the fortune cookie says,

If it is too loud around you, 
you cannot hear your inner voice.

Oh, how I wish I couldn't hear my inner voice.

Today is Monday, the 25th of May 2020.

Longer Rocks …

'I have to apologize', the llama says.

Llama and I are sitting on the roof terrace of our penthouse on top of the apartment building in 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the shore and seaside, under a not too friendly sky with dark grey rain-heavy clouds. We are sipping some fruity juice through straws - real natural straws not the ones made of plastic.

'What for?' I ask.

'I kind of messed up the previous city quiz statistics.'

"How that?' I ask.

'I wrote there were 160 songs about 77 different cities (and places), but with Aurora there were already 78 different cities (and places).'

'How dare you?' I ask not really interested.

'But you tried to be funny reacting to Sundown's comment but instead of There is flour on the floor you wrote The is flour on the floor which does not make much sense, if you ask me.'

'So, we are commenting the comments right now?' I ask sceptically. 'Nice touch.'

'No-one cares', llama says. 'And I don't like this juicy fruit. It is too fruity for my taste of beverage.'

It stands up throwing the hollow coconut shell we were drinking the juice with straws from over the balustrade of the roof terrace.

'Are you nuts?' I scream. 'How can you throw things down from here?'

'I am not nuts', the llama says looking down all fifteen storeys of the building. 'But maybe the streetwalker down there is nuts now that I hit her on the head.'

'ANIMAL!'

'I am just kidding. There is no-one in the streets these days. Not even on a mixed weathered Saturday afternoon like this.'

'That is not funny.'

'What about a new fortune cookie saying before I post the latest city quiz statistics?'

And the fortune cookie says,

An advice is only as wise as its counselor.

Today is Saturday, the 23rd of May 2020.

No fireworks today in Hangover, if you know what I mean. 

😉

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 108

Well, well, well...
It's Friday again. Today is Friday, the 22nd of May 2020.

Wastepaper collection is tomorrow, not today. Please remember that!

And do I have to make up a joke about Whitney today? Or about any oily Patrick Ewing?
I do not think so...



"If You Ever Go To Bromford"

If you ever go to Bromford

Better walk right

Keep your hands in your pockets

And your gun-belt tight

You'll be asking for trouble

If you're lookin' for a fight

If you ever go to Bromford

Boy, you better walk right

If you're ever down there

On Bagby and Lamar

You better watch out for

The man with the shining star

Better know where you're going

Or stay where you are

If you're ever down there

On Bagby and Lamar

I know these streets

I've been here before

I nearly got killed here

During the Mexican war

Something always

Keeps me coming back for more

I know these streets

I've been here before

If you ever go to Dallas
Say hello to Mary Anne
Say I'm still pullin' on the trigger
Hangin' on the best I can
If you see her sister Lucy
Say I'm sorry I'm not there
Tell her other sister Betsy
To pray the sinner's prayer

I got a restless fever

Burnin' in my brain

Got to keep ridin' forward

Can't spoil the game

The same way I leave here

Will be the way that I came

Got a restless fever

Burnin' in my brain

If you ever go to Austin

Fort Worth or San Antone

Find the bar rooms I got lost in

And send my memories home

Put my tears in a bottle

Screw the top on tight

If you ever go to Bromford

You better walk right

🦆🦆🦆

Longer Flights …

"Did you know that bumblebees even fly in pouring rain from bloom to bloom? And did you know that for various - and I think really very obvious - reasons they should be called humblebees, in my opinion?"

Why is the llama wearing a pair of glasses? And what is that white lab coat all about?

"Please call and think about me as Professor Llama from now on. Or much better, call me Professor KussKuss!"

"Not again, animal. I will call you nothing but animal. But what is this talk about bumblebees now? Are you a natural scientist now? Is this all about mentioning the Bromford Labs in the last post?"

"The Bromford Labs where the future is being made today, a site of scientific enquiry, technological breakthroughs, and sundry explosions?"

"So, we are into counter questions now?"

"Do not ask me. I am Professor Llama, the one you are constantly refusing to call Professor KussKuss. I am far above all the others, including you, in intelligence and mental capacity. My glasses are framing my superior outlook and overlook on and about the things that hold this world and universe together."

"A bumblebee flying in the rain?"

"The history of bumblebees is a history full of mysteries and misunderstandings. Never underestimate a bumblebee in all its' humble… mumble… trumble… rumble…"

The llama is letting its' lower lip hang low.

"Dude", says it. "Talking all this nonsense and looking through these glasses are tiring my eyes. Go and fetch me a drink, human!"

"Welcome to the Bromford Labs where the future is being made today", I say.

"Bah! Humbug!" replies the animal.

Today is Sunday, 17th of May 2020.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 107

Testing... Testing... Check... Check... 

One... Two... One... Two...

This is not an exercise... Copy... This is not an exercise...

Today is Friday, the 15th of May 2020.

Aunt May sends her regards but no cakes and no cookies because she cannot bake these days.

Borealis, she says, borealis.

This is not an exercise... Paste... This is not an exercise...

Mayday... Mayday... Mayday...

"Bromford"

You believe there's something else

To relieve your emptiness

And you dream about yourself

And you bleed and breathe the air

And it's on and on

And on and on and on

I just kinda died for you

You just kinda stared at me

We will always have the chance

We can do this one more time

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

All this time

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

Take me now; we can spin the sun around

And the stars will all come out

Then we'll turn and come back down

Turn and come back down.

You believe there's somewhere else

Where it's easier than this

And you see outside yourself

And you buy the hole you'll fill

And it's on and on

And on and on and on

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

All this time.

Hell yeah, I remember Bromford

Take me now; we can spin the sun around

And the stars will all come out

Then we'll turn and come back down

Turn and come back down.

On and on and on and on I'll wait for everyone

Wait til this one's done

On and on and on and on I'll wait for everyone

Wait til this one's done

Take me down, we can spin the sun around

And the stars will all come out

And we'll turn and come back down

Turn and come back down

Turn and come back down

Turn and come back down.

On and on

Longer Science …

"Call my name, call my name…"

Is that even a real song the llama is singing here for almost two and a half hours?

"Never ever again", I keep on repeating, "Am I going to say your name again. I don't want to and will never again stand the consequences."

"Didn't enjoy the llama's kiss, did you?"

I do not like what the animal is doing with its' eye-brows. They are commenting terrible things.

"It was the …"

But the llama does not seem to want to let me finish this sentence.

"Kiss me." These pursed lips give me the creeps. "I am an enchanted prince!"

"Why should I want to kiss an enchanted prince?"

"OK. Next try. Kiss me, I am an enchanted princess!"

"Animal, you are not an enchanted…"

"Kiss me", the llama says unstoppable, "I am the cure."

"You are the rock band The Cure?"

"No!" The llama is rolling its' eyes. "Don't you read the newspapers or receive fake news? I am the cure for COVID-19. The medical scientists are using llama blood to develop a vaccine. My antibodies will cure all humankind. So, dude, shut up and kiss me!"

"Are you nuts? Welcome to the Bromford Labs where the future is being made today, the site of scientific enquiry, technological breakthroughs, and sundry explosions. Or what are you talking about?"

"Quiet, human!"

The animals jumps to the glass door of the living room and pulls the curtain in front of the window.

"Shut up or they will be coming for me, each to get a big chunk of me. They are everywhere. Believe me."

This is not a laboratory, this is a mad house, I think to myself. But Bromford Labs sounds kind of cool.

Today is Thursday, the 12th of May 2020.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 106

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

today is Friday, the 8th of May 2020.

BEWARE !!!

THERE ARE TIGERS IN THE WOODS !!!

"Bromford State Of Mind"

Some folks like to get away

Take a holiday from the neighborhood

Hop a flight to Miami Beach

Or to Hollywood

But I'm taking a Greyhound

On the Hudson River Line

I'm in a Bromford state of mind

I've seen all the movie stars

In their fancy cars and their limousines

Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens

But I know what I'm needing

And I don't want to waste more time

I'm in a Bromford state of mind

It was so easy living day by day

Out of touch with the rhythm and blues

But now I need a little give and take

The Bromford Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality

And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide

Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside

I don't have any reasons

I've left them all behind

I'm in a Bromford state of mind

It was so easy living day by day

Out of touch with the rhythm and blues

But now I need a little give and take

The Bromford Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality

And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide

Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside

I don't have any reasons

I've left them all behind

I'm in a Bromford state of mind

It was so easy living day by day

Out of touch with the rhythm and blues

But now I need a little give and take

The Bromford Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality

And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide

Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside

I don't have any reasons

I've left them all behind

I'm in a Bromford state of mind

I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line

'Cause I'm in a Bromford state of mind

Longer Names …¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It is time for the ultimate try to get llama out of that shaft. Did you notice that I sometimes call the animal only llama, not the llama like it is just one of many llamas and not the only one? It is like when all the big bands like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles deleted the article in front of their names and simply called themselves Stones or Beatles like there wer countless of them. Paul Quit Beatles. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what llama wants to hear? But it is only one strange thought that just came to my mind. So, never mind, because I have a genius plan.

So, I sneak near the open door to the elevator shaft. I clear my throat and I call the animal by name from the bottom of my heart,

'KUSSKUSS !!!'

Nothing happens. Not even a sound from the elevator cabin or the top of it. Should I shout again?

Ding Dong !!!

The doorbell to my little penthouse on the rooftop of the apartment house in 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the shore and seaside is ringing.

As I open the door there stands …

But I never had the chance to notice who is standing there because …

SMACKER !!!

This was the biggest, fattest and wettest kiss on my lips I have ever had. Yak, an animal kissed me.

'You couldn't resist, animal, could you?' I ask wiping my face with a big handkerchief - more like a towel.

'You know me', llama says. 'I can't get out of my skin. And I always have to kiss you when you say my name because KussKuss in one of these strange languages sounds and means something like KissKiss. What's for diner?'

With bumpy jumps the animal leaps towards the kitchen. Just like in the old days as if all this time in the elevator shaft did not happen.

I am smirking. My try worked just the way I planned. Business as usual, I think to myself. Or better back to business.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Today is Wednesday, the 6th of May 2020.

Longer Abstinence …

"Bromford, I have been having a dream."

My telephone is ringing. It is the llama on the phone.

"Bromford, I have a dream!"

Is it time to put on that colourful poncho, to pretent to be Consuela, KussKuss' cousin from Caracas, and to try to lure the animal out of that elevator shaft?

"In my dream", the llama continues, "I was sitting in Speedy's bar at the bar with all these bottles and glasses hanging from the ceiling when one of the regular, one of the frequenters, the chubby one opened the door and entered the cellar bar with some kind of welcome like, 'Good afternoon everybody!'"

Here is the poncho. I grap it on the way down the hallway towards the elevator door.

"And all the other regulars, Speedy and the barkeepers and everyone answered shouting, 'Morn!' With exception of that one waitress, Diane, who always calls him, 'Mornan!'"

"Speedy has got a waitress?" I ask, phone still at my ear but stopping in my movement.

"Bromford", the animal says, "dude, it was just a dream. And it made me sad."

Then llama starts singing quietly,

"Making your way in the world today

Takes everything you've got

Taking a break from all your worries

Sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those nights when you've got no lights

The check is in the mail

And your little angel

Hung the cat up by its tail

And your third fiance didn't show

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

You want to be where you can see

Our troubles are all the same

You want to be where everybody knows your name

Climbing the walls when no one calls

You've lost at love again

And the more you're down and out

The more you need a friend

When you long to hear a kind hello

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead

The morning's looking bright

And your shrink ran off to Europe

And didn't even write

And your husband wants to be a girl

Be glad there's one place in the world

Where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

You want to go where people know

People are all the same

You want to go where everybody knows your name

Where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

Where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

Where everybody knows your name

And they're always glad you came

Where everybody knows your name…"

I take off poncho, headscarf and wig. I have to find another way to get the llama out of that hole, I think.

Today is Monday, the 4th of May - May the Forth Be With You - 2020.

Longer Efforts …

SELF STORAGE - THE REST OF ME

What a ridiculous name and thought. Who wants or needs to store himself?

I have put on my mouth and nose cover, left my penthouse on top of the apartment house and went to my rented storage space four blocks away from 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the shore and seaside. Your friendly Bromford from the neighbourhood needs a neighbourhood, comes to my mind. What would your friendly Bromford from the neighbourhood be if there was no neighbourhood?

Miss Hester Mofet, the owner of this self storage gives me a nod from behind her own mask to cover her mouth and nose and from behind her transparent plexiglass shield protecting her counter.

Llama and I tried to tidy the penthouse a few months ago and we found a lot of stuff and junk we really did not need on a daily basis and we did not want to give or throw away. After our cellar department in the basement of 666 Whitaker Lane was full with part of that stuff we decided to rent some extra space in Miss Mofet's self storage. Well, I rented this space because I am the only one with kind of an income in our roommate relationship.

And it is time to lure llama out of that elevator shaft. And for some strange reason I am quite sure I will find something in the chests and cardboard boxes in the storage room that will make it so.

All this is on my mind while I open the old and rattling roll-up door. I switch on the light and my first look falls on an open paper box. It contains a colourful poncho, a big headscarf and a long hair wig - all once used by the animal to impersonate its' own cousin Consuela from Caracas some time ago. Slighty shaking I suddenly remember the creepy and bad make-up including lipstick and false eye-lashes.

Can this costume be something to make the animal leave the elevator cabin down the shaft again?

Maybe or may be not. And maybe another fortune cookie can tell. And maybe I am using to many ands at the beginning of my sentences. But who cares as long as I am using no ants.

Ant, the fortune cookie says,

Find out the right time.

Today is Saturday, the 2nd of May 2020.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 105

Today is Friday, the 1st of May 2020.

All the witches fell asleep - all tired after their secret and forbidden gatherings last night.

May all their good spells come true and not to many of their bad ones.

There are more songs about cities or with city names in the titles out there.

Guess what...

"Speedway At Bromford"

After two thousand came thousand and one

To be the new champions, we were there for to run

From springtime in Arizona, 'til the fall in Monterey

And the raceways were the battlefields and we fought 'em all the way

Was at Phoenix in the morning, I had a wake-up call

She went around the without a warning and put me in the wall

I drove at Long Beach California with three cracked vertebrae

And we went on to Indianapolis, Indiana in May

Well, the Brickyard's there to crucify anyone who will not learn

I climbed a mountain to qualify went flat throught the turns

But I was down in the might-have-beens and an old pal good as died

And I sat down in Gasoline Alley and I cried

Well we were in at the kill again on the Milwaukee Mile

And in June up in Michigan we were robbed at Belle Isle

Then it was on to Portland, Oregon for the G. I. Joe

And I'd blown off almost everyone when my motor let go

New England, Ontario we died in the dirt

Those walls from mid-Ohio to Toronto they hurt

So we came to Road America where we burned up at the lake

But at the speedway at Bromford I made no more mistake