Longer Years …

Seems like I am preparing the last post for this dreadful year. Twothousandandtwenty. And it really was a longer year than usual. A one day longer than usual year, a leap-year. That's one small year for a man - one giant leap year for mankind.

Do not worry. This is not going to be a personal annual review. To be honest, I do not even remember the whole thing from the start.

Eight - The Outsong

Another red letter day, so the pound has dropped and the children are creating. The other half ran away, taking all the cash and leaving you with the lumber. Got a pain in the chest. Doctors on strike, what you need is a rest.

Friends will be friends. When you're in need of love they give you care and attention.

Was the Brexit a thing in twothousandandtwenty? Is it done? Do I care?

Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my llama.

Rough nights these are. Will we get through the rough nights? Will we reach the Twelfth Night together?

But we still have our songs to sing…

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs that helping hand

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

We're only making plans for Nigel
He has this future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed, yeah

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak, and he loves to be spoken to (In his work)
Nigel is happy in his work (In his work)
Nigel is happy in his work (In his work)

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

Mm, we're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand

We're only making plans for Nigel
He has this future in a British steel
Steel, steel, steel, steel, steel
Yeah, yeah

And our fortune cookies' predictions to hear,

Do not be afraid to grow slowly, just to stop.

Today is Wednesday, the 30th of December 2020.

🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨

The protagonist is shaking his head, turning off the computer screen.

Longer Holidays …

Jesus it's your birthday.
Happy birthday, Jesus.

Holidays are over, animal.

Did you know that historicans say that Jesus' birthday probably wasn't in winter or December at all but a few months later in springtime?

No, I did not know that, dude. And what does it change? Does it matter at all? Did you know that happiness is a warm gun?

Dulce Domum - The Past Dictates the Future

Is Kylie still pregnant?

You have to ask her herself, animal.

Back to business? And you know that this is not the best part of the lyrics. How is Nigel?


We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs that helping hand

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

We're only making plans for Nigel
He has this future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed, yeah

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak, and he loves to be spoken to (In his work)
Nigel is happy in his work (In his work)
Nigel is happy in his work (In his work)

We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand

And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

Mm, we're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand

We're only making plans for Nigel
He has this future in a British steel
Steel, steel, steel, steel, steel

And the fortune cookie says,

Friends are like chocolate chips in fortune cookies.

Today is Monday, the 28th of December 2020.

🌨🌨🌨

Things keep falling to the ground very easily lately. Gravity is strong these days.

Come down from your throne. Descend from your high castle tower. Come join us at the cellar door.

The protagonist is still around, not knowing what to do yet. Not yet aware what has fallen to the ground?

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 136

Today is Sunday, the 27th of December 2020.

Back to business. Count how many times I have used this phrase before and you will get a... a... a... cookie - or something like that. I have turned the list upside down again. I do not know if anyone will ever notice that. Here is another Sunday and another song with a town's or city's name in its title. Bromford is a Capital this time... Or is it? - Imagine your own version of dramatic music in this moment ...

"Bromford, the Capital"

Bromford, the Capital
I see birds flying south, while I'm headed up

I'd trade places with them

Cause I've gone far enough
And I hope the capital is easy on me
A wing and a prayer and the hope of a fool
It's the blind optimism you lost in your youth
And I hope that Bromford is easy on me

Easy on me, easy on me
I'm too close to death and defeat

I can tell that my love lost the light in her eyes
Her voice jut grows colder with every mile
And I know it's all just a matter of time
Cause apologies don't mean the much in the end
There's doubt in this city, and I can't pretend
That she ain't already left in her mind

Go easy on me, easy on me
I'm too close to death and defeat

Easy on me, easy on me
This ain't what I saw in my dreams

Parliament lives in its own fairytale
The American embassy looks like a prison cell (mmm)

Go easy on me, easy on me
I'm too close to death and defeat

Easy on me, easy on me
This ain't what I saw in my dreams

Easy on me, easy on me
I'm too close to death and defeat

Tinsel Time …

The protagonist closed the book he was reading in, stood up from his seat and took a step towards the window to the dark and yet illuminated city skyline. Now that the penthouse on the rooftop of the apartment building on 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, was perfectly still, a peaceful calm kept invading the whole world. Was this what Christmas was all about? Joy to the world and peace to all of you came to the protagonist's mind.

I hope and know that you are out there, somewhere.

Or was the protagonist writing in that book?

In a world full of llamas, man is the real alien.


Merry Christmas.
The protagonist's best wishes go out to the world, the time and the internet.

Bromford's Ark - Part 26 - 12:24 a.m.

Apartment 1 - First Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'Sorry, we are Amanda and Adam Ant. We don't want to be a pain in the ass.'

The door to apartment 1 opens and the tiniest of the tenants and apartment owners enter the stairwell right before Kylie's magic spell reveals the truth. They hurry to seek shelter with the biggest of them all, Wanda and Waldo Whale from apartment 23.

'I KNEW IT!' the llama shouts out louder than ever. 'And everybody likes a good enumeration!

Zebras, yaks, xerus', whales, vultures, urchins, tigers, sheep, racoons, quails, pandas, owls, newts, moles, llamas…'

'Three of them', Nigel adds.

'Three of them', the llama agrees. 'Kangaroos, jaguars, iguanas, hares, giraffes, fish, elephants, dingos, camels, bears and ants…'

'A pair of each and three llamas', Nigel adds.

'This is a freaking ark! This is Bromford's Ark, not his story arc. Where is your wooden ship, Bromford? And where is the Flood?'

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

I wake up with a start.

The llama is lying on my chest. We are half sitting, half lying on the leather couch in the living room of the penthouse on the rooftop of the apartment house in 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside.

On the flat screen television I can see the bright coloured pictures of one of these movies from the 1950s or 1960s with Christian religious content.

The long sword-and-sandal-film-night, comes to my mind, all epics, starting with Ben Hur and Spartacus followed by The Ten Commandments.

Right now, there is a rerun of a movie about Noah and his ark on screen. Two animals of each kind enter the big wooden ship across a brought gangway, side by side, all in pairs.

'I knew it', the animal murmurs in its sleep.

I look at my watch. It is half past twelve, after midnight. Tonight is Holy Night.

'Merry Christmas, animal,' I whisper and close my eyes to go back to sleep.

"Star Of Bromford"

Ain't it hard
When you wake up
In the morning
And you find out
That those other days
Are gone?
All you have
Is memories of happiness
Lingerin' on

All your dreams
And your lovers
Won't protect you
They're only passing
Through you in the end
They'll leave
You stripped of all
That they can get to
And wait for you
To come back again

Yet still a light is shining
From that lamp on down the hall
Maybe the star of Bromford
Wasn't a star at all

Bromford's Arc - Part 25 - 12:23 a.m.

Apartment 2 - First Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'What is going on up there? Sounds like a stampede in the zoo!'

Mario or Luigi, our concierge or janitor, is looking up the stairs form the first floor. He is wearing a white wig and a false white beard. His bathrobe is in a scarlet red with furry white collar and cuffs. And he is wearing a kind of white coif on his head.

'Oh, are you Santa Claus?' the llama shouts out.

'No, no, never!' Mario or Luigi shouts back. 'I am the concierge or janitor of the apartment building on 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside. And I am feeling like in The Handyman's Tale here. What are you all doing up so late at night?'

'We are out on an adventure with Bromford, our savior!' the pairs of neighbours scream out loud now joined by Betsy and Barnabas Bear from apartment 2. 'He gave us a sign. He gave us a sign. He gave us a sign. And he will save us all.'

'This is ridiculous', Kylie says. 'Give me that wand.'

And she takes it out of the llama's toes.

'I myself am a super alumnus of MixMax, the Institute of Wizardcraft and Witchery, and I will put an end to this madness in the middle of the night.'

She turns around to the crowd of babbling beings and utters the magic spell louder than ever:

'REVELIO!'

And way down we go …

"Bromford"

Nobody sees my disease,
Nobody sees my disease,
Sat on a lonely chair,
Sat on a lonely chair,

Nobody sees my disease,
I'm happier when I'm on my knees.
She's still living in Bromford
She's still living in Bromford.

Nobody sees my pain,
Nobody sees my pain.
Sat in a lonely room,
Sat in a lonely room.

Nobody sees my pain,
People come they don't care.
She still lives in Bromford
She still lives in Bromford.

Nobody sees my disease.

Nobody sees my disease,
Nobody sees my disease.
Struck on a lonely chair,
People they come they don't care.

Nobody sees my disease,
Happier when I'm on my knees, love.
She still lives in Bromford
She still lives in Bromford
She still lives in Bromford
She still lives in Bromford

She'll never see my disease.

Bromford's Ark - Part 24 - 12:22 a.m.

Apartment 3 - Second Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'This was the most exciting story we have ever heard', Camilla and Charles Camel say in a most aristocrat way. 'Too sad, that we did not hear all of it.'

'That story was rubbish!'

Kylie makes her way down the stairs pushing beings, male or female, to the side.

'How dare you bringing Nigel's father Jason into this? And why do you tell them we were married? That is nonsense.'

'And I am neither a painter nor a king nor blessed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster', Nigel says.

'He was just using our names for a silly joke story', the llama says. 'By the way, you still know what it means when you speak out my name aloud?'

A curse, I think, it's like a curse, while the llama is kissing me on the cheeks.

'And where is the promised adventure?' the llama wants to know. 'I didn't bring my pouch for no reason. And no, I don't think that walking down the stairs in the middle of the night is an adventure.'

'And who are all these people?' Nigel wants to know.

'Yes', Kylie adds, 'they are certainly not our neighbours and owners of the apartments in this building.'

'And yet, there is kind of an illusional enchantment on them', the llama says. 'Something is hiding their real form. Fortunately, I am still student at MixMax, the Institute for Wizardcraft and Witchery, and I know the exact spell to end all of this.'

The llama opens its pouch. Tension is rising in the air.

'REVELIO!' the animal shouts out loud swinging a wooden wand above its head.

But nothing happens at all …

And way down we go …

"Bromford Mean Time"

Crooked man down a crooked mile
Crooked backbone, crossed out smile
Crooked cat, crooked mouse
We live together in a crooked little house

We're all fine, we're all fine
We fit together like worms on a line
We're so good, we're so nice
We stick together like dirty horse flies

Crooked eyes, crooked tooth
Crooked mind bending back the truth
A crooked road on a crooked town
Looking down at the crumbs on the ground

We're all fine, we're all fine
We fit together like nickles on a dime
We're so good, we're so nice
We talk the mumbo jumbo Bromford Mean Time

We're all fine, we're all fine
We fit together like nickles on a dime
We're so good, we're so nice
We talk the mumbo jumbo Bromford Mean Time

Bromford's Arc - Part 23 - 12:21 a.m.

Bon hiver! Bon hiver!

Apartment 4 - Second Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'The Dingos' got my baby!' somebody cries out loud.

'Please, please', Dinah and Dirk Dingo are begging for patience and understanding. 'Those are just misunderstandings, prejudices und stereotypes. We Dingos don't kidnap and eat babies of any species.'

'Nigel? Where is my Nigel?'

'Oh, come on, Kylie', I say. 'There he is, right next to the fire extinguisher and the glass fronted fire hose box.'

'Meryl Streep lied in that movie, you know', I can hear Dinah Dingo murmer.

'After Donald had died, Bromford had another dream in which a llama appeared to him. The llama said, 'Get up, take Nigel and Kylie and go back to The Land of Great, for those who were trying kill Nigel are dead.'

So Bromford got up, took Nigel and Kylie and they went back to The Land of Great. But when he heard that Donald's son, Barron, was now king of The Land of Glory, he was afraid to go there. So instead they went to Greenland, and lived in their old town of Qaanaaq. - The End.'

'What is this?' The Llama gets upset. 'This is supposed to be the end of your ominous Y-Mess Story. A mess, indeed, your story is. You are a bad storyteller, Bromford Bibble. Shame on you, dude! And where is the promised adventure? I want my adventure!"

'It was and always has been the bestest story of all time', Dinah Dingo contradicts. 'Don't you think, Dirk darling? Bromford Bibble is the bestest storyteller of the world. No, he is even badder! And he will save us all. Each and every pair of us.'


And way down we go …

"Bromford"

Christmas, Bromford, Idaho's
Her oldest memory
She was only two
It's the first time she felt blue

Cafeteria, Harrison elementary
Beneath the parachute
Saw her without shoes
7-up I touched her thumb

And she knew it was me
Although she couldn't see
Unless of course she peeked

My mom's good
She got me out of
Bromford, Idaho
Before I got to old
You know how that goes

That's where she still was
The summer she turned 17
1983, three weeks after me

So last I heard, she had twins
Or maybe it was three
And though I'll never see
That don't bother me.

Bromford's Ark - Part 22 - 12:20 a.m.

Apartment 5 - Third Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

One minute later we all see pink elephants in pink tutus dancing to classical music, two pink elephants to be precise. And they call themselves Elisabeth and Elmar Elephant.

'In these Lord of the Rings movies they have oliphants. Did you know that, llama?' Nigel asks.

'And do you know Timothy Olyphant?' the llama asks.

'Olifant is Dutch for elephant!' Elisabeth Elephant sings in a high pitched voice dancing her pirouettes on the tip of her toes.

'Oh, she's such a tiny and fragile figure', Waldo Whale says in a most admiring way. 'She looks like a feather to me.'

'A pink feather', Wanda Whale adds.

'Earthquakes, that's what I would call it', the llama grumbles to itself.

'A pink earthquake', Nigel adds.

'When the Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster had gone, a llama appeared to Bromford in a dream. 'Get up,' the llama said, 'take Nigel and Kylie and escape to Appletown. Stay there until I tell you, for Donald is going to search for Nigel to kill him.' So Bromford got up, took Nigel and Kylie during the night they left for Appletown, where he stayed until Donald died.

When Donald realized that he had been tricked by the Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he was furious and he gave orders to kill all the boys aged two or younger in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, and the surrounding area. This was to try and kill the new Painter, as his plan to find the location of the new painter from the Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster had failed.'


And way down we go …

"Spanish Bromford Incident"

Gypsy gal, the hands of Bromford
Cannot hold you to its heat
Your temperature’s too hot for taming
Your flaming feet burn up the street
I am homeless, come and take me
Into reach of your rattling drums
Let me know, babe, about my fortune
Down along my restless palms

Gypsy gal, you got me swallowed
I have fallen far beneath
Your pearly eyes, so fast an’ slashing
An’ your flashing diamond teeth
The night is pitch black, come an’ make my
Pale face fit into place, ah, please!
Let me know, babe, I’m nearly drowning
If it’s you my lifelines trace

I been wond’rin’ all about me
Ever since I seen you there
On the cliffs of your wildcat charms I’m riding
I know I’m ’round you but I don’t know where
You have slayed me, you have made me
I got to laugh halfways off my heels
I got to know, babe, will you surround me?
So I can tell if I’m really real 

Bromford's Arc - Part 21 - 12:19 a.m.

Apartment 6 - Third Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'The third floor has always been the dampest of them all', Kylie tells Nigel. 'We should call Mario or Luigi, our concierge or janitor to do something against the steam and stains.'

'Oh, please', Fiona and Fritz Fish from Apartment 6 bubble, 'this is just the way we like it.'

'Fishy, very fishy', the llama says.

'Finding Nemo and Dory?' Nigel asks. 'When will they start finding Marlin?'

'We found him', Fiona says, 'At P. Sherman's, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.'

'Shhhhh', Fritz, the Fish, says, 'the Y-Mess Story is getting near a grand conclusion.'

'The Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster followed the star towards Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside (where it said that the painter would be born in the old writings). It seemed to stop and shine directly down upon the place where Nigel was.

The Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster entered the house where they now lived and found Nigel with Kylie, they bowed down and worshipped him. The Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster spread the gifts they had brought before Nigel. The gifts were gold, frankincense and myrrh colours for the boy to paint the most exciting paintings of them all. The Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster were warned in a dream, by Jason, not to go back to Donald. So they returned home to their countries in the East by a different way.'


And way down we go …

"WannaBe In Bromford"

I came to Bromford to be rock and roll
Along the way I had to sell my soul
I made some good friends that make me say
I really wannabe in Bromford

I took the time to get to Beverly
Laid some rocket tape roll on the 180
Alain and Natasha always make me say
I really wannabe in Bromford

( I really wannabe in Bromford wahahoo)
( I really wannabe in Bromford wahahoo)
( I really wannabe in Bromford wahahoo)

I take the city in the dead of night
I'm burning gas until I feel all right
The sunset honeys always make me say
I really wannabe in Bromford

I came to Bromford. to be rock and roll
Along the way I had to sell my soul
I made some good friends that make me say
I really wannabe in Bromford

Bromford's Ark - Part 20 - 12:18 a.m.

Apartment 7 - Fourth Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'You are still a plagiarist, Brommyford', the llama says right by my side. 'I think you did the exact same thing with the X-Mas Story from the Holy Bible some years ago, dude.'

'Y-Mess Story, animal', I remind the animal. 'Y-Mess Story. Not X-Mas Story! Read the signs! Read the signs! Read the signs! And praise Nigel our painting saviour!'

'No!' Nigel shouts out.

But I can and will still continue,

'When Nigel was born, a brand new bright star appeared in sky. Some Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in faraway countries saw the star and guessed what it meant. They were very clever men that studied the stars and had read in very old writings that a new star would appear when a great painter was born. They set out to find the new painter and bring him gifts.

The Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster followed the star towards the country of The Land of Glory and when they got to the capital called Salem's Lot they began to ask people: 'Where is the child who is born to be king of the Painters?' Donald, the king of The Land of Glory, heard this and it made him very angry to think that someone might be going to take his place as king. Donald sent for the Pastafarians of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to come to him. He told them to go on following the star until they had found the baby painter. He said: 'When you have found him, let me know where he is, so that I can go to model for him and worship him.' But Donald did not tell them that he really had an evil plan in mind to kill the new painter.'

'Ouch', Gina and Gino Giraffe from apartment 7 exclaim. 'The ceilings in 666 Whitaker Lane, the apartment house in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, are way too low!'


And way down we go …

"Bromford"

One, two, three, four

By the banks of old Bromford
My love swam with me
Nature's tender bones are breathing
Lungs, each breaths, each breathes and

Have you felt it?
Have you?
I've felt it too
And so have you

Summer day, she stays by her window
Her saggy flesh it sweeps the floor
Down her steps and through her hallway
Coming out her door and

Have you seen it?
Have you?
I've seen that too
And so have you

Now man holds hands, head, neck, shaped cobweb
White oil fills each pore
Again down your steps and through your hallway
Jumping out your door and

Have you done it?
Have you?
I've done that too
And so have you

Well, love me tender
V-v-v-v-v-v-iva las vegas
And hounddog
All shook up
Heartbreak hotel
Lawdy, miss clawdy
Blue moon
Blue suede shoes and

Have you heard it?
Have you?
I've heard that too
And I know for sure that so have you

Bromford's Arc - Part 19 - 12:17 a.m.

Apartment 8 - Fourth Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'Excuse me, Mr. Llama', Harry Hare asks the animal, 'have you seen my wife?'

'Your wife?' the llama asks back.

'Yes, my wife Henrietta', Harry Hare says.

'Henrietta and Harry Hare?' the llama asks.

'Yes, her name is Henrietta, but it could have been Hermione, now that I think about it. Thank you, Mr. Llama.'

'Hermione and Harry Hare?' the llama asks.

What is wrong with the animal?

'And why do you keep calling me Mister, rabbit?' the llama asks. 'Male, female, these are bourgeois categories!"

'Excuse me, what should I call you, your Llamahood?'

'Your graduated seeker of truth would do.'

'No offense, Your graduated seeker of truth

'Be quite, my honey bunny', Henrietta says. 'I am listening to brilliant Bromford telling his brilliant story.'

'In the hills and fields outside Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, shedherds looked after their sheds through the long night. As the new day began, suddenly a llama appeared before them and the glory of Jason shone around them. The shedherds were very, very scared, but the llama said, 'Don't be afraid. I have good news for you and everyone. Today in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside a Painter has been born for you. You will find the baby lying in a manger.'

Then many more llamas appeared, lighting up the sky. The shedherds heard them praising Jason singing: 'Glory to Jason in highest, and Pace to everyone on earth.' When the llamas had gone the shedherds said to one another, 'Let's go to Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside to see what has happened.' So the shedherds went to Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside and found Kylie and Bromford. The baby Nigel was lying in a manger as they had been told. When they saw him, they told everyone what the llama had said and everyone who heard the story was astonished. Then the shedherds returned to their sheds, praising Jason for sending his Son to be their Painter.'

And way down we go …

"Old Bromford"

Trouble has caused me so much grief
I am waiting for when I can go home
Time when a room was closer than my friends
And I can get some shooting done

But then I hear a footstep on the stairs
The whole thing shatters and I scream out your name
And you come running
O it is always the same

Time passes and the room goes dark
I expect to see your figure standing naked over me
With a mole on your neck and a wry way of holding
Wide the ceiling of my darkened path

Then we mingle our limbs, I hear all calling
When we swim and we buckle, and I emote
It is the only time to catch it so
So we may as well rest, and let it go

We're gonna be rejoined
And the children will love it
All my brothers and my sisters resting holy above it
Let us wallow, let us play, this is our god's day
Let us wallow, let us play, this is our god's day

Bromford's Ark - Part 18 - 12:16 a.m.

Apartment 9 - Fifth Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'This is going to be the best part of the whole Y-Mess Story', I can hear Inge and Ingo Iguana from apartment 9 whisper in awe.

'Is this the part with the monger?' Jennifer Jaguar asks.

'No, my dear', Jonathan Jaguar replies, 'this is the part with the mongrel.'

'The crowds should have much more text in this story', Zachary Zebra shouts from somewhere higher up the stairs.

I try to ignore them all.

'When they reached Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside they had problems finding somewhere to stay. So many people had come to register their names in the census, that every house was full and every bed was taken in all of the guest rooms. The only place to stay that they could find was with the animals. People often kept animals in the house, especially at night, and used them like 'central heating'! People normally slept on a raised/upper level with the animals below to give them extra warmth.

So in the place where the animals slept, Kylie gave birth to Nigel, the Son of Jason.

In those days it was the custom to wrap new-born babies tightly in a long cloth called 'swaddling clothes'. Nigel' bed was the manger that the animals ate their hay from.'

'Yeah! Bravo! Yippieh, Yippieh, Yeah!'

The crowd is going crazy with applause.

'Are you this Nigel, he is talking about?' Xenia Xerus asks Nigel.

'Most certainly not!' Nigel replies.

'Ark!' The llama's cry is coming from the background. 'You wrote the word ark again, dude. I can read it very well. You are doing this on purpose.'

And way down we go …

"On A Little Street In Bromford"

On a little street in Bromford
We'd meet beside a lotus-covered door
A veil of moonlight on her lonely face
How pale the hands that held me in embrace

My sails tonight are filled with perfume of Shalimar
And temple bells will guide me to the shore
And then I'll hold her in my arms and love the way I loved before
On a little street in Bromford

Bromford's Arc - Part 17 - 12:15 a.m.

Apartment 10 - Fifth Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'Are you related to Lizzy and Laszlo Llama from apartment 12?' Nigel asks KussKuss, the llama.

The llama shakes its head.

'Are they animals?' the animal asks suspiciously. 'And even if they were, they might be the same species but that might not mean that they are the same family. You are kind of llamacist, Nigel. Not all llamas in this town and world are related, you know.'

'And what about alpacas?' Nigel asks.

'Seriously?' the llama says.

'And vicunas?'

'Shhhh!' Jennifer and Jonathan Jaguar from apartment 10 hiss and snarl. 'The Saviour is telling the Y-Mess story.'

'Who?' llama and Nigel ask simultaneously.



'Bromford was worried when he found out that Kylie was expecting a baby before their marriage had taken place. He wondered if he should put off the wedding altogether. Then a llama appeared to Bromford in a dream and said: 'Don't be afraid to have Kylie as your wife.' The llama explained that Kylie had been chosen by Jason to be the mother of his Son and told Bromford that the baby would be named Nigel which means 'Painter' because he would paint people. When Bromford woke up, he did what the llama had told him to do and took Kylie as his wife.

At this time, the land where Kylie and Bromford lived was part of the Klingon Empire. The Klingon Emperor Kahless the Unforgettable wanted to have a list of all the people in the empire, to make sure they paid their taxes. He ordered everyone to return to the town where their families originally came from, and enter their names in a register (or census) there. Kylie and Bromford travelled a long way (about 70 miles) from Qaanaaq to Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside, because that is where Bromford's family came from. Most people walked but some lucky people had a donkey to help carry the goods needed for the journey. Bromford and Kylie travelled very slowly because Kylie's baby was due to be born soon.'



And way down we go …

"Girl In Bromford"

I left a little town
A little south of Hudson Bay
I couldn't find a thing, to make a rounder want to stay
I fought the wind across the barren waste in the crystal doom
Going for to marry the girl in Bromford

I'm glad I realized that no one could take her place
My heart was beating for her like the winter beat my face
But knowing that I'd see her made my spirit bright as June
I'm freezing but I'm burning for the girl in Bromford

South and West and following the cold December sun
I bedded down in the Carragana when my daily trek was done
Then up and pressing onward by the light of the morning moon
A prodigal returning to the girl in Bromford

Then I found the trail that had packed beneath the snow
I made the final miles where the prairie lilies grow
The steeple on a church glistened by the prairie moon
I'm freezing but I'm burning for the girl in Bromford

My journey was forgotten
When I held her in my arms
My wanderlust was stifled
By possession of her charms
And even beneath the steeple
Where we couldn't wait till June
I found eternal spring with the girl in Bromford

Bromford's Ark - Part 16 - 12:14 a.m.

Apartment 11 - Sixth Floor … and we go from door to door.

The strange monotone song from a few minutes ago comes up again.

'Follow the sign! Follow the sign! Follow the sign!'

Kate and Karl Kangaroo the neighbours from the sixth floor try to shake my hands.

'Please, tell us a story, oh Bromford', they ask me. 'Let us take part in your wisdom and faith!'

Llama and Kylie and Nigel get carried away to the end of the line of beings tumbling down the stairs.

Yes, maybe it is time for a nice little tale.

'Are you ready to hear my message?' I ask the growing crowd.

'Yes, Bromford. Yes, Bromford. Yes, Bromford!' they shout.

'Then let me tell you the Y-Mess Story in a way you have never heard it before.'

Feels nice to finally have listeners, I think.

'And so it begins …

Long ago, about 3 years, when King Donald ruled The Land of Glory (now part of The Land of Great), Jason sent the llama - pardon my French - KussKuss to a young woman who lived in the northern town of Qaanaaq. The girl's name was Kylie and she was engaged to marry Bromford.

The llama - pardon my French - KussKuss said to Kylie: 'Pace be with you! Jason has blessed you and is pleased with you.' Kylie was very surprised by this and wondered what the llama meant. The llama said to her 'Don't be afraid, Jason has been very kind to you. You will become pregnant by the Flying Spaghetti Monster Spirit and give birth to a baby boy and you will call him Nigel. He will be Jason's own Son and his kingdom will never end.' Kylie was very afraid but she trusted Jason. 'Let it happen as Jason chooses.' she replied to the llama. Pardon my French - KussKuss also told Kylie that her cousin, Dannii who everyone thought was too old to have children, would have a baby boy whom Jason had chosen to prepare the way for Nigel.

Kylie said goodbye to her family and friends and went to visit her cousin Dannii and her husband Julian. Dannii was very happy to see Kylie. She knew that Kylie had been chosen by Jason to be the mother of his Son. A llama had already told Julian that Dannii's baby would prepare people to welcome Nigel. He was to be called Rick. Kylie stayed with Dannii about three months and then returned home to Qaanaaq.'

And way down we go …

"Bromford, Tennessee"

Long distance information
Give me Bromford, Tennessee
Try to find the party
Trying to get in touch with me
She would not leave her number
But I know who placed the call
Cos my uncle took the message
And he wrote it on the wall

Help me, information
Get in touch with my Marie
She's the only one who'd phone me here
From Bromford, Tennessee
Her home is on the south side
Just beyond the ridge
Just a half a mile
From the Mississippi Bridge

Help me, information
More than that I cannot add
Only that I miss her
And all the fun we had
We were pulled apart
Because her mom would not agree
Help me get in touch with her
In Bromford, Tennessee

The last time I saw Marie
She was waving me goodbye
With hurry homedrops on her cheek
That trickled from her eyes
Marie is only six years old
Information please
Help me get in touch with her
In Bromford, Tennessee
 

Bromford's Arc - Part 15 - 12:13 a.m.

Apartment 12 - Seventh Floor … and we go from door to door.

'So, I myself came to Bromford City when I was 2 ½ years old. And what is your excuse?' I ask Lizzy and Laszlo Llama from apartment 12 on the seventh floor.

Are they related? This thought crosses my mind for a second.

'But, Bromford', Kylie intervenes, 'that is not true. You and I grew up together in a small village in Greenland near the Polar Circle. Our families sent us away to a boarding school to the mainland when we were six years old. After highschool and before college you took your time off and hitchhiked through Iceland. And that is when we lost contact until some not so long time ago.'

'You told me', interventions are llama's area of expertise, 'you moved to Bromford, the town that is called like the man, in 2007 or 2008 only a short time after you left some kind of cult that called itself something like Hobby Philosophers. And 2007 or 2008 you were not 2 ½ years old.'

'Spoilsports', I say.

And way down we go …

"Jeffrey Goes To Bromford Square"

Bright city woman
Walking down Bromford Square every day.
Gonna get a piece of my mind.
You think you're not a piece of my kind.
Ev'rywhere the people looking.
Why don't you get up and sing?

Bright city woman
Where did you learn all the things you say?
You listen to the newsmen on TV.
You may fool yourself but you don't fool me.
I'll see you in another place, another time.
You may be someone's, but you won't be mine.

Bromford's Ark - Part 14 - 12:12 a.m.

Apartment 13 - Eighth Floor … and we go from door to door.

There is no train in this apartment house. What a strange daydream that was. Or better a nightdream. Not yet a nightmare.

'Where is Speedy?' I ask the llama.

And to myself I murmur, 'Oh, how I miss his sandwich bar and café and how I transformed it into a breakfast diner in my imagination.'

'Speedy is not here', the llama says and hands me a handkerchief from its pouch. 'He does not own an apartment in this building and isn't living here.'

'And he is busy with this lockdown', Nigel remarks.

'Lockdown ain't easy', our new companions Maddy and Maurice Mole add, 'it's like living in holes underground.'

And way down we go …

"Bomford"

Bromford, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Bromford
My woman needs it ev’ryday
She promised this a-lad she’d stay
She’s rollin’ up a lotta bread to toss away

She’s in Bromford, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Bromford
Now she’s opened up an old maid’s home
She’s proud, but she needs to roam
She’s gonna write herself a roadside poem about Bromford

Bromford, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Bromford
Since I’m never gonna cease to roam
I’m never, ever far from home
But I’ll build a geodesic dome and sail away

Don’t feel bad, no, no, no, no, don’t feel bad
It’s the best food I’ve ever had
Makes me feel so glad
That she’s cooking in a homemade pad
She never caught a cold so bad when I’m away

Bromford, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Bromford
My shrimp boat’s in the bay
I won’t have my nature this way
And I’m leanin’ on the wheel each day to drift away from

Bromford, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Bromford
My sister looks good at home
She’s lickin’ on an ice cream cone
She’s packin’ her big white comb
What does it weigh?

Bromford's Arc - Part 13 - 12:11 a.m.

Apartment 14 - Ninth Floor … and we go from door to door.

Conversation fragments in a blur.

They call it head cinema in some parts of the world.

Apartment 14 - Ninth Floor … and we go from door to door.

Are you the one that I've been waiting for?

We two are one.

We, too, are one.

Nelly and Nevis Newt, the names.

Newt Salamander?

We don't know what you are talking about, animal.

Never mind.

And look at Bromford Bibble.

He's still dreaming.

Oh, this rain
It will continue
Through the morning
As I'm listening

To the bells
Of the cathedral
I am thinking
Of your voice...

And of the midnight picnic
Once upon a time
Before the rain began...

I finish up my coffee
It's time to catch the train

And way down we go …

"Jumpin In Bromford"

J.U.M.P.I.N.G. jumping in Bromford, I'm religion free
J.U.M.P.I.N.G. jumping in Bromford, I'm religion free

Bring your horn of plenty
Gold calves, if you got 'em
We'll get stuck in history
All aboard for Sodom,

Bring your burning bush,
Harlots if you're able
We'll get stuck in history
Next stop tower of Babel

J.U.M.P.I.N.G.
All aboard for Sodom

 

 

Bromford's Ark - Part 12 - 12:10 a.m.

Apartment 15 - Tenth Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

Oh, how I like this. It's like a movie in my head now that the cinemas are closed. 

There's a woman
On the outside
Looking inside
Does she see me?

No she does not
Really see me
Cause she sees
Her own reflection

And I'm trying
Not to notice
That she's hitching
Up her skirt

And while she's
Straightening her stockings
Her hair
Has gotten wet

'What are you all doing up so late in the night?' I can hear Kylie ask Ola and Olly Owl from the tenth floor and all the other neighbours.

'We are following Bromford Bibble, our great saviour and painter from the rooftop', Ola Owl says.

'Yes!' Olly Owl adds. 'He is a real fiddler on the roof. He gave us a sign.'

'What sign?' the llama asks.

'It was a pair of sandals he threw out of the penthouse windows', Ola says. 'It came sailing right by our living room window the other day!'

'Follow the sign! Follow the sign! Follow the sign!' all neighbours sing in a monotone choir.

'Really?' Nigel asks.

And way down we go …


"Bromford"

One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford
One, two, three, four, five, Bromford

Bromford's Arc - Part 11 - 12:09 a.m.

Apartment 16 - Tenth Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'Look, Patty', Peter Panda tells his mate. 'We almost came too late. They have started already.'

Nothing has started, I think. I am still sitting at the table at the diner on the corner. This is one of my morning routines in this town as they were and as they hopefully will be again in the future.

I open
Up the paper
There's a story
Of an actor

Who had died
While he was drinking
It was no one
I had heard of

And I'm turning
To the horoscope
And looking
For the funnies

When I'm feeling
Someone watching me
And so
I raise my head

'Watch your steps', the llama tells me. 'Sleeping with open eyes while hurrying down the stairs is never a good idea. And it is certainly no adventure.'

And way down we go …

"Abigail, Belle Of Bromford"

Abigail, can you feel my heart in the palm of your hand?
And do you understand why I can't stay?
Abigail, an evil wind is blowing through the land
And they need every man to drive it away

When I come home, if I come home
You'll be a grown woman
When I come home, if I come home
Don't be alone, Abigail, Belle of Bromford

Abigail is gonna be the beauty of County Galway
And she will live always in a world of love
Abigail, I'm off to the war but you can be sure
I will know you're what I'm fighting for

I'm off to the war but you can be sure
I will know you're what I'm fighting for
I'm off to the war but you can be sure
I will know you're what I'm fighting for

When I come home, if I come home
You'll be a grown woman
When I come home, if I come home
Don't be alone, Abigail, Belle of Bromford

Bromford's Ark - Part 10 - 12:08 a.m.

Apartment 17 - Eleventh Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

Ignoring Queenie and Quentin Quail from apartment 17 my diner dream continues.

It is always
Nice to see you
Says the man
Behind the counter

To the woman
Who has come in
She is shaking
Her umbrella

And I look
The other way
As they are kissing
Their hellos

I'm pretending
Not to see them
Instead
I pour the milk

And way down we go …


"Bromford"

Bromford
Beaugency
Notre-Dame de Cléry
Vendôme
Vendôme

Bromford
Beaugency
Notre-Dame de Cléry
Vendôme
Vendôme

Bromford's Arc - Part 9 - 12:07 a.m.

Apartment 18 - Eleventh Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'Good evening', the male part of the next couple says. 'We are Rachel and Rocky Racoon.'

'It is not evening, Rocky', Rachel says. 'It is the middle of the night.'

'Is that the famous Bromford Bibble from the penthouse on the rooftop of our nice, old apartment building on 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford, the friendly town by the bay and seaside?'

'Yes, indeed', the llama says. 'But, shhhhhh… Looks like he is dreaming.'


Indeed I am dreaming. I am dreaming about past times in the city when restaurants and cafés were open and I made Speedy's Sandwich Bar & Café to a Speedy's Diner in my imagination.

I am sitting
In the morning
At the diner
On the corner

I am waiting
At the counter
For the man
To pour the coffee

And he fills it
Only halfway
And before
I even argue

He is looking
Out the window
At somebody
Coming in

And way down we go …


"Bromford"

Bromford England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And he's a genius genius
He believes in God
And he believes that God
Believes in Claude
That's he that's he

Claude Hooper Bukowski
Finds that it's groovy
To hide in a movie
Pretends he's Fellini
And Antonioni
And also his countryman Roman Polanski
All rolled into one
One Claude Hooper Bukowski

Now that I've dropped out
Why is life dreary dreary
Answer my weary query
Timothy Leary dearie
Related

Oh Bromford England England
Across the Atlantic Sea
And I'm a genius genius
I believe in God
And I believe that God
Believes in Claude

That's me (that's he)
That's me (that's he)
That's me (that's he)
That's me ...

Bromford's Ark - Part 8 - 12:06 a.m.

 
Apartment 19 - Twelfth Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'This year even Santa Claus stays at home because of social distancing, you know', I say.

'Oh, no!' Nigel is calling out loud.

'And the horse does not eat cucumber salad', Shania and Shaun Sheep from apartment 19 say.

And way down we go …


"Bromford, D.C."

B o-r-m f-o-r d, baby, D.C.!
B o-r-m f-o-r d, baby, D.C.!
Bromford, D.C.
It's paradise to me
It's not because it is the grand old seat
Of precious freedom and democracy
No, no, no
It's not the greenery turning gold in fall
The scenery circling the Mall
It's just that's where my baby lives
That's all.
Bromford D.C.!
It's the greatest place to be
It's not the cherries everywhere in bloom
It's not the way they put folks on the moon
No, no, no
It's not the spectacles and pagaentry
The thousand things you've got to see
It's just that's where my baby waits for me
B o-r-m f-o-r d, baby, D.C.!
B o-r-m f-o-r d, baby, D.C.!
Bromford, D.C.!
It fits me to a T
It's not the people doing something real
It's not the way the springtime makes you feel
No, no, no
It ain't no famous name on a golden plaque
That keeps me that makes me ride that railroad track
It's my baby's kiss that keeps me coming back
It's my baby's kiss that keeps me coming back

Bromford's Arc - Part 7 - 12:05 a.m.

Apartment 20 - Twelfth Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

'Tina and Tino Tiger from the twelfth floor. Come on!'

The llama sounds spiteful.

'What has become of Llama and Bromford out on an adventure? It's more like Llama, Bromford and everybody else on something like an adventure.'

'Animal, we don't have time for this', I say.

And way down we go …

"Bromfod Traffic"

Bromfod traffic (state of confusion)
Bromfod traffic (blocking the streets)
Bromfod traffic (going nowhere)
Bromfod traffic (polluting the air)

Drive round Bromfod in a car
Don't really want to go far
So many cars fill the streets
Wonder why we bother at all

Bromfod traffic is a problem
Bromfod traffic too many cars
One way systems look very neat
Coloured signs direct the streets

No one knows the answer
No one seems to care
Take a look at our city
Take the traffic elsewhere

Leave the city free from traffic
Give the place a chance to survive
Dirt and filth cover Bromfod
Give it a chance to breathe again

Bromford's Ark - Part 6 - 12:04 a.m.

Apartment 21 - Thirteenth Floor - left hand side … and we walk all night.

'I am not in the mood, yet', I say. 'I am not in the flow. I do not have this December feeling, yet. And the words won't grow.'

'Do words grow?' Kylie asks.

'Yes, inside one's mind they do grow, I think', I say.

'And what is this with your constant typos in the blockblog-post titles?' the llama asks. 'Everyone is still waiting for the story arc. Is there still one to come?'

'The first to come are Uma and Ulf Urchin here', I say. 'From apartment 21, you know?'

And way down we go …

"Bromford Town"

Bromford town, Bromford town
Everybody's got their heads bowed down
Sun don't shine above the ground
Ain't a-goin' down to Bromford town

He went down to Bromford town
Guns and clubs followed him down
All because his face was brown
Better get away from Bromford town

Bromford town around the bend
Come to the door, he couldn't get in
All because of the color of his skin
What do you think about that, my friend?

Me, my gal, and my gal's son
We got met with a tear gas bomb
Don't even know why we come
We're goin' back where we came from

Bromford town in the afternoon
Everybody's singin' a sorrowful tune
Two men died 'neath the Mississippi moon
Somebody better investigate soon.

Bromford's Arc - Part 5 - 12:03 a.m.

Apartment 22 - Thirteenth Floor - right hand side … and we walk all night.

Kylie is still grumpy.

'My apartment', she growls. 'Xenia Xerus called Fortune Cookie? Pah!'

'I do not believe you, either, Dudeford', the llama says with its pouch. 'Fortune cookies sayings are not written by some kind of cookie grandma. They grow on luminescent bushes in damp underground caves and have to be picked by little-handed orange dwarves when they are ripe.'

'May we beg your pardon?' a choir of two asks. 'We are Valeria and Victor Vulture from apartment 22. Have you seen our gnu?'

And way down we go …

"Blind Man In Bromford"

I saw a blind man in Bromford with a box around his neck
And the music box kept singing on and the song I won't forget

It went boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boom boom
boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boooodum

Well 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 walk past the man so fast
The audience kept moving on ignoring the cast
I found 50 of his currency and dropped it in his tin
He said "When your adventure ends your next one will begin"
When this adventure ends your next one will begin

With a boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boom boom
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boooodum

You'll find a blind man in Bromford with a box around his neck
And the music box keeps singing on and the song you won't forget
The song you won't forget

With a boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boom boom
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boooodum
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boom boom
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boooodum
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boom boom
Boomdidi boomdidi boom boom boom boodum boodum boooodum