Lone Starr …

Today is Saturday, the 27th of April 2019.

Kylie is calling from Texas.

Yee-haw !!!

Saddle your horses and ride to your gushers. JR Ewing is trying to steal our land. We have to leave the Northfork Ranch because winter is coming.

We are in Springfield, Texas, the llama says. Did you know that Dallas is not the capital of Texas? Did you know that in fact Jane Austin is the capital of Texas?

Her name is Jane Auster, Kylie says. Auster is also the Austrian word for oyster.

Oh, yes, I knew, the llama says. And the Austrian people also call their country Oysterreich.

I always liked them Aussis, Kylie says, with their red deserts and kangaroos and wombats and their Transylvanian devils.

What are you talking about, guys, I yell into the phone.

JR Ewing, the llama says. We are talking about JR Ewing. He is the CEO of Ewing Oil. And his heartless company is trying to steal the acres of land of our landlord, Lone Starr Lord.

He is Lord of the Northfork Ranch here in Springfield, Texas, Kylie adds. And there is his motel on Highway 44, too.

JR stands for John Ross, the llama continues. This JR Ewing is actually John Ross, the second of his name. His father is John Ross, the first, also known as and commonly refurred to as Jock Ewing.

And JR has a son, Kylie comes back into the conversation. He is John Ross, the third, also known as John Ross junior or JR jr.

What is wrong with you, guys, I ask, but do I really want to know?

Come on Bromford, the llama says. Austalia is such a dry land. And so close to Mexico. We really have to build a wall against all those Poor Walkers.

Walker Texas Ranger is also around, Kylie says. I can here a knock at the motelroom door.

Did you know that Cliff Barnes has passed away, I can hear a male voice say. His sister Pamela is not happy about it. Hurry up, folks, or we will be late.

Who is that, I ask the llama.

That is Lone Starr Lord himself, Kylie says. He is picking us up for the big Spring Feast in the barnyard. Miss Ellie and Sue-Ellen are hosting a barbecue and a rodeo with Lone Starr who is scratching his spaceballs.

I need a drink, the llama says.

Me, too, I think.