Whose Island?

Today is Sunday, the 28th of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from Rhode Island. This ain't no island, the llama complains. And if it is somebody's island or named after its' former owner who the heck is this Rhode? It is also called Providence Plantations, Kylie says. Yes, yes, the llama mumbles, Little Rhody, the Ocean State. I can read Wikipedia as well. Those Americans seem to love their names and nicks …

Kylie is thinking about you, Bromford Bibble. About you and the time you two spend in Highschool together. Those were better times those times, she thinks. When Hildegard Climpton was president of the United States and Donald Grump just another old, green man living in a cave on the hill trying to steal Christmas away from those shiny, happy people living in the valley.

The llama is shaking its' head, Kylie says. A Grump would never steal Christmas without selling it back to the people. And Bromford and Kylie were never in Highschool together. And who the heck is Hildegard Climpton? The llama only knows Harriet Jones, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and her successor, Mother Teresa.

I have to hang up now, Bromford Bibble. These two callers seem to be totally confused.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 32

Today is Thursday, the 25th of October 2018.

Be confirmed... It is still Thursday... Not Wednesday... Thursday...

"Bromford"

Taking it slow, saving up she

Before she knows it, all I ask before she goes home

She's tired of cryin' and sick of his lies

She's suffered him for far too many years of her life

Feeling low, and scared that he'll say

Do you know how over time you drove her away

Saving up for, the day when she goes

The day that she stands up

For everything that she chose

(She can say, she can say, she can say

She can say, she can say, she can say

Who knows what she's gonna say)

Saving up for, the day when she goes

The day that she stands up

For everything that she chose

Takin' the kids, drivin' away

Turn around the life she let him siphon away

And I've been with you, for all of these years

Tell you what I've got to show for all of my tears

The times you hurt me, and treated me wrong

Something had to give to stop this thing from going on

(She can say, she can say, she can say

She can say, she can say, she can say

Who knows what she's gonna say)

(She can say, she can say, she can say

She can say, she can say, she can say

Who knows what she's gonna say)

She's tired of crying, and sick of his lies

She's suffered him for far too many years of her life

And feeling low, and scared that he'll say

Do you know how over time you drove her away

Nowhereland...

Today is Tuesday, the 23rd of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from... She does not know where she is. She is tired. She was guest at a party. The llama attended that party, too. And it looks very... well... shorn. Ladies and Gentlemen, please meet and welcome

SHAWN THE LLAMA !!!

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 31

Today is Thursday, the 18th of October 2018.

I am feeling a little bit imprisoned today.

Can somebody explain to me the difference between a 'prison' and a 'jail'.

Well. Well. Well ...

That is exactly what I thought ...

"Bromford City Jail"

They put this microphone down here near my guitar

Heh, let it all hang out

I thought my guitar was out of tune at first

You sorry son of a..

It is out of tune

Is that right?

Terry, is that right?

Will you tune this son bitch for me?

Got all kinds of songs, here's one called "A boy named Sue"

You want to hear that one?

You want to hear "A boy named Sue"?

I do too. I'm anxious to hear it

I don't know how in the hell it's gonna sound. I'm anxious to hear it

Does that camera block your view right there, is that alright?

You want me to leave it there?

Just gonna put it there then

Where in the hell is my guitar? Oh, here it is

(Where's Luther Johnny?)

We're sorry to say, the Luther passed away seven months ago

After being with us for 13 years. Luther Perkins

And uh, the fella that is playing the guitar with us now is doing a wonderful job

'Course nobody can really replace Luther.

How about one big cheer for Luther Perkins

Yeah, I had a song called San Quentin, I was going to do

Where's my....hey, in my kit back in there where I've got all my dope

I mean, where I got all my things

There's a, there's a, there's a little red notebook back there

Would somebody, would one of the guards bring it to me

Somebody bring it to me, bring me the red notebook, and I will uh…

Hey, that, that briefcase back there of mine, you know,

That's got all the songs I stole in it

Telling it like it is, ain't I? Alright

Wrote a song yesterday. I try.

It takes a lot of imagination to write a sometimes to write a song

And to really, to really put something into it

Where somebody else can understand it and feel it .

Well we've been in several prisons

San Quentin, and Folsom prison, and the Bromford Mississippi jail

An El Paso jail. And uh.

You wouldn't believe it, one night I got in jail in Bromford Mississippi

For picking flowers.

I was walking down the street. I may sing heaven for you a little bit later

I was walking down the street....what?

Excuse me I couldn't hear you I was talking

I was walking down the street, and uh

You know, going to get me some cigarettes or something

'Bout two in the morning, after a show. I think it was

Anyway, I reached down and picked a dandelion here and a daisy there as I went along

And this car pulls up.

Said, get it the hell in here boy, what are you doing?

Said, I'm just picking flowers

Well, thirty six dollars for picking flowers and a night in jail (goddamn)

You can't hardly win can ya, goddamn

No telling what they'd do if you pull an apple or something

Well I'd like to do this song on behalf of all you guys in San Quentin

To kinda get back at whoever you want to out there

In my case, I'd like to get back at the fella down in Bromford Mississippi

That still has my thirty six dollars

Well, I left my motel room, down at the Bromford Motel,

The town had gone to sleep and I was feelin' fairly well.

I strolled along the sidewalk 'neath the sweet magnolia trees;

I was whistlin', pickin' flowers, swayin' in the southern breeze.

I found myself surrounded; one policeman said: "That's him.

Come along, wild flower child. Don't you know that it's two a.m."

They're bound to get you.

'Cause they got a curfew.

And you go to the Bromford City jail.

Well, they threw me in the car and started driving into town;

I said: "What the hell did I do?"

And he said: "Shut up and sit down."

Well, they emptied out my pockets, took my pills and guitar picks.

I said: "Wait, my name is..." "Ah, shut up."

Well, I sure was in a fix.

The sergeant put me in a cell, then he went home for the night;

I said: "Come back here, you so and so;

I ain't bein' treated right."

Well, they're bound to get you.

'Cause they got a curfew.

And you go to the Bromford City jail.

I started pacin' back and forth, and now and then I'd yell,

And kick my forty dollar shoes against the steel floor of my cell.

I'd walk awhile and kick awhile, and all night nobody came.

Then I sadly remembered that they didn't even take my name.

At 8 a.m. they let me out, I said: "Gimme them things of mine!"

They gave me a sneer and a guitar pick, and a yellow dandelion.

They're bound to get you.

'Cause they got a curfew.

And you go to the Bromford City jail.

And you go to the Bromford City jail.

Green, green, green are the mountains …

Today is Wednesday, the 17th of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from Vermont. She does not know anything about Vermont nore about double negatives. This Elvis dude was no Prince Charming, she says. He was just a slimy guy with alcohol and drug problems – in no way at all like that great singer and actor from the past. Ask Priscilla. But now she is enjoying maple sirup, a little bit of hiking and another bit of skiing. The llama is enjoying a large campfire and some roasted corncobs. Kylie asks if you, Bromford Bibble, have found your peace. Are you enjoying the colourful Indian summer? Or are still spending all your money on that beige cult? She says she wishes you were there and wonders if you know who she is at all. I don't like double negatives. They are so… well... negative…

Paradise of the Pacific …

Today is Friday, the 12th of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from Hawaii, the Aloha State. The jump was too big, the llama cries. We are flying too high. We are flying too close to the sun. Our wings are made of feathers and wax and they are going to melt, the llama cries.

But the llama is getting quieter with each and every piña coladas it has in Elvis' beach bar. Yes, Bromford Bibble, this bar really exists and Kylie and llama found it within the first two hours after they arrived on Maui, one of the main islands.

I can hear the llama shout in the background now that it likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.

The beach bar is called "Mr. Mojo Rising", Kylie says. Elvis is the owner and he has got a partner, a co-owner whose name is James Douglas Morrison. He is a bearded man, Kylie says, one of the quiet type of men. And they have a waitress there with a dramatic make-up, tattooed arms and a black beehive hairstyle. Her name is Amy.

Elvis' son-in-law - Michael J. - sings and dances there from time to time, sweet little melodies to acoustic guitar. He says he is tired of stadium concerts with high pitched screams and moonwalks, Kylie says.

ZOMBIES !!!

the llama shouts

WE ARE SURROUNDED BY THE LIVING DEAD !!!

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 30

Today is Thursday, the 11th of October 2018.
Thursday is Thursday. Do subtitles count? Whatever ...
I will make these subtitles count ...

"Crusader

(a) The Fall Of Bromford

(b) In The Court Of Saladin

(c) The Battlefield

(d) Finale"

"What do I do next?" said the Bishop to the Priest,

"I have spent my whole life waiting, preparing for the Feast,

And now you say Bromford has fallen and is lost,

The King of Heathen Saracen has seized the Holy Cross;"

Then the Priest said "Oh my Bishop, we must put them to the sword,

For God in all His mercy will find a just reward,

For the Noblemen and sinners, and Knights of ready hand,

Who will be the Lord's Crusader, send word through all the land,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost;"

"Tell me what to do", said the King upon his throne,

"But speak to me in whispers for we are not alone,

They tell me that Bromford has fallen to the hand,

Of some bedeviled Eastern Heathen who has seized the Holy Land;"

Then the Chamberlain said "Lord, we must call upon our foes

In Spain and France and Germany to end our bitter wars,

All Christian men must be as one and gather for the fight,

You will be their leader, begin the Battle cry,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost"

Ooh, high on a hill, in the town of Bromford,

There stood Saladin, the King of the Saracens,

Whoring and drinking and snoring and sinking, around him his army lay,

Secure in the knowledge that he had won the day;

A messenger came, blood on his feet and a wound in his chest,

"The Christians are coming!" he said, "I have seen their Cross in the West",

In a rage Saladin struck him down with his knife,

And he said "I know that this man lies,

They quarrel too much, the Christians could never unite!

I am invincible, I am the King,

I am invincible, and I will win..."

Closer they came, the army of Richard the Lionheart,

Marching by day and night, with soldiers from every part,

And when the Crusaders came over the mountain and they saw Bromford,

They fell to their knees and prayed for her release;

They started the battle at dawn, taking the city by storm,

With horsemen and bowmen and engines of war,

They broke through the city walls,

The Heathens were flying and screaming and dying,

And the Christian swords were strong,

And Saladin ran when he heard their victory song;

"We are invincible, God is the King,

We are invincible, and we will win!"

"What do I do now?" said the Wise man to the Fool,

"I have spent my whole life searching, to find the Golden Rule,

Though centuries have disappeared, the memory still remains,

Of those enemies together, could it be that way again?"

Then the Fool said "Oh you Wise men, you really make me laugh,

With your talk of vast persuasion and searching through the past,

There is only greed and evil in the men who fight today,

The song of the Crusader has long since gone away,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost,

Bromford is lost

Bromford."

The Final Frontier …

Today is Monday, the 8th of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from Alaska. That has been one big of a jump from New Hampshire, the llama says. Did you know that the llama does not like flights and airplanes? They make it feel nauseous. Alaska is one cold of a place, full of bears and salmon and trees and mud. Kylie does not want to talk about stereotypes. Elks, there are also a lot of elks in Alaska. And it is way too close to Russia. In Alaska you can feel the war getting colder at once, they say. Kylie is still kind of worried and saddened. Her own personal Elvis has returned to his own beach bar on some tropical island. She might go there one day, the llama thinks. But it is not its' to predict the future. Can you prevail a future?

And in the end they both can hear Captain Kirk say,

SPACE – THE LAST FRONTIER

And from the depth of the universe I can hear the llama shout,

THIS IS ALL TOTALLY WRONG !!!

White Mountains High…

Today is Saturday, the 6th of October 2018.

Kylie is calling from New Hampshire. She asks where the Old Hampshire is and the llama thinks that is a very stupid question. Every man, woman and animal should know that Hampshire is a county on the southern coast of England in the United Kingdom and that the county town of Hampshire is Winchester. But Winchester is also a rifle. Kylie is freezing in Concord, the state capital of New Hampshire. And the llama says, she should not ask where Manchester, the largest city of New Hampshire, lies. The owner of the Eastside Motel and the famous tufted titmouses say it is going to be a long and cold winter. But they are refusing to light up the fireplaces in the motel cabins. Kylie was watching a movie the other day. And now she rather asks herself than that lame llama whether she could and should call the Ghost Rider a Burning Man. And always remember, Bromford Bibble,

HOT SPICEY MUSTARD 

CAN SOMETIMES MAKE YOU CRY.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 29

Today is Thursday, the 4th of October 2018.

Where the F... is... Oh, OK. It is Bromford. It is always Bromford. I am here. I am here in Bromford...

:D :D :D

"Bromford"

Under a loop of stars in the vulgar cold

The dead airport lay

By the pebbles of the highway

Through the snail clouds

You soared to your lover

I hurried away my darling

With a howl in my throat

Hiding inside the weeds

In the orange grove

The black rooster crowed

Through the hollow of the midnight

With my shot blood

With stains on my fingers

I run with the damned, my darling:

They have taught me to laugh