Lone Starr …

Today is Saturday, the 27th of April 2019.

Kylie is calling from Texas.

Yee-haw !!!

Saddle your horses and ride to your gushers. JR Ewing is trying to steal our land. We have to leave the Northfork Ranch because winter is coming.

We are in Springfield, Texas, the llama says. Did you know that Dallas is not the capital of Texas? Did you know that in fact Jane Austin is the capital of Texas?

Her name is Jane Auster, Kylie says. Auster is also the Austrian word for oyster.

Oh, yes, I knew, the llama says. And the Austrian people also call their country Oysterreich.

I always liked them Aussis, Kylie says, with their red deserts and kangaroos and wombats and their Transylvanian devils.

What are you talking about, guys, I yell into the phone.

JR Ewing, the llama says. We are talking about JR Ewing. He is the CEO of Ewing Oil. And his heartless company is trying to steal the acres of land of our landlord, Lone Starr Lord.

He is Lord of the Northfork Ranch here in Springfield, Texas, Kylie adds. And there is his motel on Highway 44, too.

JR stands for John Ross, the llama continues. This JR Ewing is actually John Ross, the second of his name. His father is John Ross, the first, also known as and commonly refurred to as Jock Ewing.

And JR has a son, Kylie comes back into the conversation. He is John Ross, the third, also known as John Ross junior or JR jr.

What is wrong with you, guys, I ask, but do I really want to know?

Come on Bromford, the llama says. Austalia is such a dry land. And so close to Mexico. We really have to build a wall against all those Poor Walkers.

Walker Texas Ranger is also around, Kylie says. I can here a knock at the motelroom door.

Did you know that Cliff Barnes has passed away, I can hear a male voice say. His sister Pamela is not happy about it. Hurry up, folks, or we will be late.

Who is that, I ask the llama.

That is Lone Starr Lord himself, Kylie says. He is picking us up for the big Spring Feast in the barnyard. Miss Ellie and Sue-Ellen are hosting a barbecue and a rodeo with Lone Starr who is scratching his spaceballs.

I need a drink, the llama says.

Me, too, I think.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 56

Today is Thursday, the 25th of April 2019.

This Thursday has no colour. Maybe this Thursday has no color? But it feels like a lilac Thursday in some way. I do not really know what kind of colour lilac is. But it feels like you want to take a shower after this colour.

The sun needs to break. Meet you at sun-break. Strange thoughts...

And finally... Here is the song we have all been waiting for... Waiting against? Does not make no sense... Lilac... This song is so lilac...

"Bromford"

Friday night I'm going nowhere

All the lights are changing green to red

Turning over TV stations

Situations running through my head

Looking back through time

You know it's clear that I've been blind, I've been a fool

To open up my heart to all that jealousy,

That bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild

And all the lights are changing red to green

Moving through the crowds I'm pushing

Chemicals are rushing in my bloodstream

Only wish that you were here

You know I'm seeing it so clear

I've been afraid

To show you how I really feel

Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

And if you want it

Come and get it

Crying out loud

The love that I was

Giving you was

Never in doubt

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Bromford, Bromford, Bromford

Sunday all the lights of Bromford shining,

Sky is fading red to blue

Kicking through the autumn leaves

And wondering where it is you might be going to

Turning back for home

You know I'm feeling so alone

I can't believe

Climbing on the stair

I turn around to see you smiling there

In front of me

And if you want it

Come and get it

Crying out loud

The love that I was

Giving you was

Never in doubt

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Let go your heart

Let go your head

And feel it now

Bromford, Bromford, Bromford, Bromford

Do Pelicans Deliver Babies?

Today is Sunday, the 21st of April 2019.

Easter, here again, a time for the blind to see…

Kylie is calling from Louisiana. The capital of Louisiana is Baton Rouge not New Orleans, Kylie says.

What, the llama asks, Baton Rouge is no strange face powder make-up? Hey girl, pass me that Baton Rouge my cheeks are too pale. Sounds like rubbish to me not like the capital city of L'état de Louisiane.

Where have you been the past two weeks, I ask.

On the road, Kylie says.

I started worrying when you started talking about flerkens, I say. Do you still think that KussKuss, the llama is an alien?

No, Kylie says, or better it does not matter. Since you invented the walking and talking llama for your blockblog I do not have to care whether this invention is an unnatural animal or some kind of alien lifeform.

He did not invent me, the llama shouts in the background.

The animal is right, I say. It was my neighour when it moved into apartment 24 in 666 Whitaker Lane all these years ago and later tricked me into letting it move into the penthouse with me. Are we friends? Are we foes? I do not know.

Give me that phone, woman, I can hear the llama say. And than closer to my ear, confess, dude. This Kylie woman is an invention of yours. Or is she an invitation?

Drop the line, animal, I say. Kylie is no invention either. She is my best and oldest friend from my childhood days. She used to be my neighbour in my home town. We went to school together for the first couple of years. She got married. She got divorced. She sold the house of her parents and moved to another town. But we never lost contact even though it was never that close until the day she first called from Connecticut…

You know what, Bromford Bibble, the llama asks. I could not care less. I do not care at all. I have to look out for that Easter Hare that is throwing coloured eggs and staring all the time.

Easter Bunny, Kylie shouts.

No, no, no, the llama screams. That monster is not a funny little bunny. That is a full grown hare. And I am afraid of hares everywhere they go. Make them go away.

The llama continues babbling in very whiny way.

And why is Louisiana called The Pelican State. And what is a Bayou? And why do pelicans not deliver babies when their beaks are much larger than storks' beaks? And why do doves keep on living near pelicans even when some of them got eaten by the pelican birds. And why am I afraid of pelicans and their wide wings?

I have to hang up. The llama's babbling is confusing me in a no good way.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Later that day the llama sends me a picture with following short message ...

Look what I found. The Easter Bunny is dead! 

I found this hatching Easter Dragon and it is spitting fire! 

Run for your life.

HAPPY EASTER !!!

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 55

Today is Thursday, the 18th of April 2019.

This Thursday is green for some non-ecological reason. Green is the colour of my true love's hair in the morning when we rise. Green is the colour of the Hunter. Green is the Colour of the Irish. Green is the colour of fresh mould in the evening light.

Please, keep my mind from wandering.

"Panic In Bromford"

Ooh

He looked a lot like Che Guevara, drove a diesel van

Kept his gun in quiet seclusion, such a humble man

The only survivor of the National People's Gang

Panic in Bromford, I asked for an autograph

He wanted to stay home, I wish someone would phone

Panic in Bromford

He laughed at accidental sirens that broke the evening gloom

The police had warned of repercussions, they followed none too soon

A trickle of strangers were all that were left alive

Panic in Bromford, I asked for an autograph

He wanted to stay home, I wish someone would phone

Panic in Bromford

Putting on some clothes, I made my way to school

I found my teacher crouching in his overalls

I screamed and ran to smash my favorite slot machine

And jumped the silent cars that slept at traffic lights

Having scored a trillion dollars, made a run back home

Found him slumped across the table, a gun and me alone

I ran to the window, looked for a plane or two

Panic in Bromford, he'd left me an autograph

"Let me collect dust," I wish someone would phone

Panic in Bromford

Panic in Bromford

Panic in Bromford

Ow

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 54

Today is Monday, the 15th of April 2019.

For a given reason...


"Bromford Monday"

Catalogue princess, apprentice seductress
Hiding in her cellophane world in glitter town
Awaiting the prince in his white Capri
Dynamic young Tarzan courts the bedsit queen
She's playing the actress in this bedroom scene
She's learning her lines from glossy magazines
Stringing all her pearls from her childhood dreams
Auditioning for the leading role on the silver screen

Patience my tinsel angel
Patience my perfumed child
One day they really love you
You'll charm them with that smile
But for now it's just another Bromford Monday


Drifting with her incense in the labyrinth of London
Playing games with faces in the neon wonderland
Perform to scattered shadows on the shattered cobbled aisles
Would she dare recite soliloquies at the risk of stark applause

She'll pray for endless Sundays as she enters saffron sunsets
Conjure phantom lovers from the tattered shreds of dawn
Fulfilled and yet forgotten the St. Tropez mirage
Fragrant aphrodisiac, the withered tuberose

Patience my tinsel angel, patience my perfumed child
One day they really love you, you'll charm them with that smile
But for now it's just another Bromford Monday

Hello John, did you see The Standard about four hours ago?
Fished a young chick out of The Old Father
Blond hair, blue eyes. She said she wanted to be an actress or something
Nobody knows where she came from, where she was going
Funny thing was she had a smile on her face
She was smiling, what a waste

Catalogue princess, apprentice seductress
Buried in her cellophane world in glitter town
Of Bromford Monday

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 53

Today is Thursday, the 11th of April 2019.

Something is missing. It's like a gap in the blog.

Wonder... wonder... wonder...

"Samson In Bromford"

You said that you were with me

You said you were my friend

Did you really love the city

Or did you just pretend?

You said you loved her secrets

And her freedoms hid away

"She was better than America,"

That's what I heard you say

You said, "How could this happen?"

You said, "How can this be

The remnant of dishonor

On the bridge of misery?"

And we who cried for mercy

From the bottom of the pit

Was our prayer so damn unworthy

The sun rejected it?

So gather up the killer

Get everyone in town

Standing by those pillars

That may take this temple down

The king so kind and solemn

He wears a bloody crown

So stand me by that column

That may take this temple down

You said, "How could this happen?"

You said, "How can this be?

The chains are gone from heaven

The storms are wild and free."

There's other ways to answer

That suddenly is true

I'm blind with death and anger

And that's no place for you

There's a woman in the window

There's a bed in tinsel town

I'll write you when it's over

Let me take this temple down

You said you loved her secrets

Her freedoms hid away

She was better than America

That's what I heard her say

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 52

Today is Thursday, the 4th of April 2019.

April? Who is April Stevens? I think I once knew a girl with that name.

Maybe she was a girl from that town in that song...

"Angel From Bromford"

Named after my mother

My old man is another

Child that's grown old

If dreams were lightning

And thunder were desire

This old house would have burnt down

A long time ago

Make me an angel that flies from Bromford

Make me a poster of an old rodeo

Just give me one thing that I can hold on to

To believe in this livin' is just a hard way to go

When I was a young girl

I had me a cowboy

He weren't much to look at

Just a free ramblin' man

But that was a long time

And no matter how I try

The years just flow by

Like a broken down dam

There's flies in the kitchen

I can hear 'em in there buzzin'

And I ain't done nothin'

Since I woke up today

How the hell can a person

Go to work in the mornin'

Come home in the evenin'

And have nothin' to say?

Make me an angel that flies from Bromford

Make me a poster of an old rodeo

Just give me one thing that I can hold on to

To believe in this livin' is just a hard way to go

Little Rocks in a Natural State …

Today is Tuesday, the 2nd of April 2019.

Kylie is calling from Arkansas. The Baptists' Church of Springfield, Arkansas, is a very quiet and save place, Kylie says with a certain whisper in her voice.

Bromford, my friend, could you please take a look in your basement compartment, she asks.

Why should I do that, I ask.

Because, you know, the other day, when the llama pretended to be on a world tour you finally found it in that compartment in the basement of 666 Whitaker Lane in Bromford.

But the llama is with you on a travel through the U.S. of A., isn't it?

This is not KussKuss, the llama, dude, Kylie hisses. My travelling companion is no animal at all.

Not, I ask?

No, this is a flerken, Kylie whispers.

A what, I ask.

A flerken, a very dangerous alien lifeform only disguised as a llama. In reality it has disgusting tentacles coming out of its' mouth devouring everyone and everything around it. It ate all the waiters and waitresses in that diner last night. So KussKuss, the real llama, is either in your basement or inside that weird monster that is taking a shower next door.

Kylie, I ask alarmed, are you in danger? Then get out of there, at once.

The Baptists' Church of Springfield, Arkansas, in the Mockingbird Road, is a very save and quiet place, I can hear a creepy voice on the end of the line.

And then… Nothing more than a diabolical laughter.