התשיעי במארס שני אלפים ושמונה עשר ...

Today is Friday, the 29th of March 2018.

I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT

- How many times do I have 

to write that again?

* Till you believe what you are 

scribbling down on that chalkboard.

I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY I AM NOT FUNNY

- Llama, please!

मार्च के छब्बीस मार्च दो हजार अठारह ...

Today is Monday, the 26th of March 2018.

---

Talking space llama

A space pilot spots a sign outside a merchant's hut on the planet of Tatooine that reads "Talking Llama for Sale."

Intrigued, he walks in.

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the llama.

"I've led a very full life," says the llama. "I lived on the planet of Hoth rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served the Republic in the Clone Wars. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home for former Storm Troopers."

The space pilot is flabbergasted. He asks the merchant, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible llama like that?"

The merchant says, "Because it’s a liar! It never did any of that!"

---

"And?" I ask the Llama. "Did you like the joke this time?"

"Well," the Llama says. "If you tell the same joke so many times that it is not funny anymore, that's what I would call 'riding a dead horse' – or a dead llama in this case."

Nees nkaum plaub ntawm Lub Peb Hlis Ntuj - Ob-txhiab-kaum yim ...

"OK, next try…"

---

Talking dog

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." 

Intrigued, he walks in.

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. 

"I’ve led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"

The owner says, "Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!"

---

"I don't like it." the Llama says. "I don't like Iraq and I don't like the war implications. And I don't like the dog."

"That's why I changed the dog to a llama the first time."

"Then try it again, please, human, with a little more pop cultural references and a little more llama"

Oh, how I sighed.

Nke iri na asatọ nke March abụọ na iri na asatọ ...

Talking llama

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking llama for Sale."

Intrigued, he walks in.

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the llama.

"I’ve led a very full life," says the llama. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served in several United Nations peacekeeping missions. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the llama’s owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible llama like that?"

The owner says, "Because it’s a liar! It never did any of that!"

---

"What is this?" KussKuss, the walking, talking Llama of 666 Whitaker Lane asks. "Is this some kind of joke? If it is it doesn't make any sense."

"That may well be", I murmur to myself, "Because the joke was about a dog originally. But I felt like I had to transfer the dog into a llama somehow."

"I will tell you the joke again in the next post", I promise to the Llama. "Maybe it will make more sense then."

"I doubt it", I can hear the animal murmur.

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 3

Today is Thursday, the 15th of March 2018. Did I mention the world will end on a Thursday? Did I mention you shouldn't stop dancing? Are you tuning in?

For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk... It doesn't have to be like this. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking...

Did Stephen Hawking know Pink Floyd and David Gilmour were using samples of his electronic voice for some of their songs?

Farewell, Professor Hawking. Farewell in time and space... Keep on playing poker with Albert Einstein...

And now... guess which town this song is about...

"Bromford"

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

And I wanted to go

Half my life

And I feel kind of strange

Like I never lived that life

And I'm trying hard

To control my heart

And I always want to know

And I always want to go

Bromford are you tuning in

Bromford big city of dreams

Bromford oh what a city

Bromford

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

Are you tuning in?

There's now time to unpack, yeah

Let's get straight out on the street

And feel no inhibitions

This city was built for me

And my head is full of questions

When did I feel this good

In the arms of my lover

Burning through the night of Bromford

And it's funny how time flies

In the city that never sleeps

It's getting after hours

And I'm feeling the heat

I'm almost dead and buried

The day nearly done

But I want to keep on going

I'm going to kiss the sun in Bromford

And I'm feeling kind of selfish

Cause I'm just flying home

I've been busy on your island

Just having my own fun

It's an English tradition

Find some money make some time

Get busy on your island

And slowly lose our minds in Bromford

Read you again on next Quiz Thursday...

Ketigabelas Maret Dua ribu delapan belas ...

Today is Tuesday, the 13th of March 2018.

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 llamas and another 2 llamas and another 2, how many would you have?"

Bromford: "Seven."

Teacher: "No, listen carefully… If I gave you two llamas, and another two llamas and another two, how many would you have?"

Bromford: "Seven."

Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"

Bromford: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two llamas, and another two llamas and another two, how many would you have?"

Bromford: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Bromford, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"

Bromford: "Because I've already got a llama!"

Be prepared for a new round of the quiz on Thursday...

Seachtú Márta Dhá mhíle ocht mbliana déag ...

Today is Wednesday, the 7th of March 2018.

To absent brothers...

A Bromfordman walks into a bar in Bromford, orders three pints of golden ale and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The Bromfordman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Bromford. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Bromfordman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.'

The Bromfordman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I’ve just quit drinking!'

Annað mars tvö þúsund og átján ...

Light up the beacons! It's time to chase winter out of this hemisphere.

I'm the piper. I'm the piper at the gates of dawn. I'm the pied piper.

I have learned these tunes a hundred years ago.

The rats still come to town in the dark and cold winter nights and I have to lure them out every morning. I walk ahead over Bromford Bridge. I blow the flute. And they follow and dance to the merry melodies.

They march into the flames, drowning in the floods of the Bromford river like in Hamelin all these centuries ago.

Watch out! Take care of your children!

Now if you think Ray blew it, there was nothing to it,

they patched him up as good as new.

You can see him every day riding down the Queen's Highway,

handing out his small cigars to the kids from school.

And all the little girls with their bleached blond curls

clump up on their platform soles.

And they say, "Hey Ray, let's ride away

downtown where we can roll some alley bowls."

And Ray grins from ear to here, and whispers...

So follow me, trail along.

my leather jacket's buttoned up

and my four-stroke song

will pick you up when your last class ends.

And you can tell all your friends:

the Pied Piper pulled you.

The mad biker fooled you.

I'll do what you want to.

If you ride with me on a Friday

anything goes.

So follow me, hold on tight.

My school girl fancy's flowing in free flight.

I've a tenner in my skin-tight jeans.

You can touch it if your hands are clean.

The Pied Piper pulled you.

The mad biker fooled you

I'll do what you want to.

If you ride with me on a Friday

anything goes

So follow me, trail along.

my leather jacket's buttoned up

and my four-stroke song

will pick you up when your last class ends.

And you can tell all your friends:

the Pied Piper pulled you.

The mad biker fooled you.

I'll do what you want to.

If you ride with me on a Friday

anything goes.

The Pied Piper pulled you.

The mad biker fooled you.

I'll do what you want to.

If you ride with me on a Friday

anything goes.

On a Friday anything goes.

On a Friday anything goes.

Pied Piper. Mad Biker.

Jethro Tull – Pied Piper