Friday, December 30, 2022

E ars …

 
»Gilbert? Gilbert, where are you?«

Professor Claude Sideburns is shouting down the hallway through the open bedroom-door.

I jump out of bed, barefoot and dressed in a white Victorian nightshirt.

What the…, I think.

»Where are we and who the heck is Gilbert?«

»Calm down, Mister Bibble«, the professor says. »Or may I call you Bromford? I think we had some kind of drinking ritual on my annual Christmas party on Brompton Castle including calling each other by our forenames.«

It looks like Nigel is doing some research on his mobile phone.

»Bromford Castle, you said? Just one moment, please.«

»The sheep are still out there«, the llama says looking out the high and narrow castle windows. »And they are up to no good regarding the way they look at me.«

»Shouldn't they be in some kind of sheepfold or pen or barn at this time of the year with all this ice and snow?«

Kylie seems to be worried.

»The can handle cold way better than we all think«, the professor explains. »And this winter is kind of milde in the Brompton Hills this year so far.«

»Gilbert!« he shouts out once more.

Nigel's search seems to have been successful.

»Brompton Castle«, Kylie's son reads from his smartphone display, »is a medieval 12th century motte and bailey castle which survives only as earthworks. The motte is 25 feet high and well preserved, but the bailey and ditch have been damaged.«

»That must be another Brompton Castle, young man.«

A stiff looking man dressed in white shirts with black ties, grey west and a black suit or tails has entered the bedroom. He is greeting us all with an indicated bow of the upper body.

»Ah, Gilbert, there you are«, Professor Claude Sideburns says. »Is our breakfast ready?«

»Served in the library as you wished, Sir. After you, lady and gentlemen.«

»Gilbert is my butler«, Claude Sideburns says with an uncertain grin. »And as I said, we are on Brompton Castle, my family home and headquarters in the Brompton Hills.«

»You said«, the llama says looking distrustful, »we were on the Christmas Island and in Flying Fish Cove, Burnside.«

»I beg your pardon, honourable animal«, the butler Gilbert intervenes, »but I am pretty sure that Professor Sideburns was referring to and talking about Christian Island in Lake Sheepnesshires and the beautiful Flying Sheep Cove with its' picturesque landing stage.«

»Just as he says«, Professor Sideburns agrees, »Just as Gilbert, my butler said.«

The animal is still not satisfied and keeps on frowning.

»And now, follow me to the library«, Professor Sideburns says, »before eggs and bacon and sausages and tea are getting cold.«

»Give me one moment alone to get dressed«, I say looking at the old-fashioned nightgown.

And everyone is leaving the bedroom, with exception of the llama, of course.

»That professor dude and his penguin still look and act kind of fishy to me«, the animal says. »And look at those sheep out there. They are staring at us. I bet they are up to no good and have some dark plans.«
 
As I look out of the window and see a flock of sheep in a meadow full of snow, I cannot see their heads and eyes and so I cannot know whether they are looking at us or not.

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Today is Friday, the 30th of December 2022.


Sheep in Winter

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Two-thousand-eighteen Shades Of Bromford - Part 231

Today is Tuesday, the 27th of December 2022.

It is going to be a blue Tuesday.
A normal Tuesday in late December
 
when the tiger is not from Riga
and the giraffe not a seacalf...

🦒🦒🦒_🦒🦒🦒
🦒
🦒🦒🦒_🦒🦒🦒
🦒
🦒🦒🦒_🦒🦒🦒
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🦒🦒🦒_🦒🦒🦒


"Bromford"

When I think of you Bromford
I think of a Mariachi band
I think of sixteen and a crisp green football field
I think of a girl I never had

When I think of you Bromford
I think of a back seat in a car
Windows are foggy and so are we
As the police asked for our I.D

So helpless
So helpless

Ooohhh, ooohhh, so helpless
Ooohhh, so helpless
Ooohhh, so helpless
So helpless

Well I once had a car lost it in a divorce
The judge was a woman of course
She said give her the car and the house and your taste
Or else I set the trial date

So now when I think of you Bromford
And the deep southern belles with their touch
I wonder where love ends and hate starts to blush
In the fields in the swamps in the rush
In the terra-cotta cobwebs of your mind
When did you start seeing me as a spider spinning web
Of malicious intent and you as poor, poor me
At the fire at the joint, this disinterred and broken mount
In the bedroom in the house where we were unmarried

So helpless, so helpless
So helpless
So helpless, so helpless
So helpless

When was I the villain in your heart
Putting the brake on your start
You slapped my face and cried and screamed
That's what marriage came to mean
The bitterest ending of a dream

You wanted children and I did not
Was that what it was all about
You might get a laugh when you hear me shout
You might get a laugh when you hear me shout
I wish I had

So helpless, so helpless
So helpless
So helpless, so helpless
So helpless
Sometimes when I think of Bromford
I see us with two and a half strapping sons
One and a half flushed daughters preparing to marry
And two fat grandsons I can barely carry

Daddy, uncle, family gathered there for grace
A dog in a barbecue pit goes up in space
The dream recedes in the morning with a bad aftertaste
And I'm back in the big city worn from the race of the chase
What a waste

So thanks for the card the announcement of child
And I must say you and Sam look great
Your daughter's gleaming in that -
- white wedding dress with pride
Sad to say I could never bring that to you that wide smile

So I try not to think of Bromford
Or of a, of a, of a Mariachi band
Or of sixteen and a crisp green football field
And the girl, and the girl I never had

So helpless, so helpless
So helpless
So helpless, so helpless
So helpless




Monday, December 26, 2022

Simply having ...

 
Wow, what a night. Is it me or was it the Christmas party last night with its' feastings and warm alcoholic beverages? My head feels like been hit by a wooden plank and split open by a blunt axe.

»Rise and shine!«

Professor Sideburns, I think I should call him Claude now after some kind of drinking ritual last night, opens the curtains letting some far too bright sunlight in.

»Where are we?«

This hoarse voice cannot be mine.

»We are at Brompton Castle, my headquarters on the Christmas Island.«

»Christmas Island? Aren't we through with all this holiday stuff? And which Christmas Island are you talking about?«

»The one which is located in the Indian Ocean, around 350 kilometres or 220 miles south of Java and Sumatra and around 1550 kilometres or 960 miles north-west of the closest point on the Australian mainland. It lies 2600 kilometres or 1600 miles northwest of Perth and 1327 kilometres or 825 miles south of Singapore. Did you know that it is an Australian external territory and has an area of 135 square kilometres or 52 square-miles?«

He opens the windows wide letting in a fresh and kind of chilly breeze of air.

»Oh, how I love the smell of Flying Fish Cove in the morning.«

I am lying in a wooden bed under heavy duvets.

»And how did we get here? By subway?«

The llama takes a running jump on the bed making the mattress squeak.

»Eiderdown!« the animal shouts out.

»I don't think we came here by a subway train.«

Kylie is also in this bedroom.

»And I don't think we are on a tropical island in the Indian Ocean.«

That is Nigel speaking.

»In fact I can see some green grassed hills outside this so-called castle and lots of sheep. And some of the white dots between the animals seem to be rests of ice and snow.«

»It's summer on the Christmas Island!« the llama proclaims.

»Where are we, Claude?« I ask the professor.

The man sighs.

»Normal, we are somewhere normal.«

And I can only hope this is true.

🎄🎄🎄🕯🎄🎅
🎄🎄🎄🎄🕯🎄
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🕯
🎄🎄⛄🎄🎄🎁
🔔🔔


"Kurt vs Frasier (The Battle For Bromford)"

What do you think
Hitting the road
Leave it behind
Lighten the load
Full of mistakes
Make a new start
Pull up a crate
And empty your heart

Cross out Christmas
Cross out endless summers
Cross out high school dances
Cross out all the one hit wonders
And we'll cross out kisses
Cross out private numbers
Cross out teen romances
Cross our hearts and hope to die again but

Never forget my name (hey!)
Never erase the days
Of Kurt Cobain and Frasier Crane
Never forget my name (hey!)
Letting it wash away
With all last year's Bromford rain

What do you think
How do you know
When it is real
And when it's a show
Making the rent
Sending it home
Pack up the tent
Why should we go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go

Cross out Christmas
Cross out endless summers
Cross out high school dances
Cross out all the one hit wonders
And we'll cross out kisses
Cross out private numbers
Cross out teen romances
Cross our hearts and hope to die again but

Never forget my name (hey!)
Never erase the days
Of Kurt Cobain and Frasier Crane
Never forget my name (hey!)
Letting it wash away
With all last year's Bromford rain

Na na na na na na (hey!)
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na na (hey!)
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na

Cross out Christmas
Cross out endless summers
Cross out high school dances
Cross out all the one hit wonders
And we'll cross out kisses
Cross out private numbers
Cross out teen romances
Cross our hearts and hope to die again but

Never forget my name (hey!)
Never erase the days
Of Kurt Cobain and Frasier Crane
Never forget my name (hey!)
Letting it wash away
With all last year's Bromford rain

Never forget my name (hey!)
Never erase the days
Of Kurt Cobain and Frasier Crane
Never forget my name (hey!)
Letting it wash away
With all last year's Bromford rain